


Lean On Me

by SpiritLock



Series: Scars and Handcuffs [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Childbirth, Consensual Sex, Cullen as midwife, Cullen has a plan, Cullen's smirk, F/M, Feels, Friendship, Guilt, Humor, Love, Mabari, Memories, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, Pregnancy, Rough Sex, Sexual Roleplay, Spiders, Surprises, War Table Sex, loss of limb, reconnection, smacking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-02 11:34:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5246789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritLock/pseuds/SpiritLock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*Trespasser Spoilers*</p><p>After the birth of her children, Krista finds herself drawn back into the role of Inquisitor. The time spent away from Skyhold has meant that not only does she miss her children growing up; she and Cullen have become more distant. Now the Inquisitor has to face the Exalted Council, with questions over the very existence of the Inquisition.</p><p>As they start to come back together, another threat looms, calling Krista back into battle.</p><p>(From just before the Exalted Council to after the end of Trespasser DLC)</p><p>Follows on from The Memento.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Krista sat down at her desk and looked at the reports in front of her. Reports providing her information for the Exalted Council, reports she should at least make a start on before they set out to Halamshiral. She groaned and dropped her head onto the one small empty space in front of her, with a slight thud. This was just way too much. 

They were to be hauled up In front of the Exalted Council to explain their purpose now the Breach was closed and their continued existence. Ferelden wanted them torn down, Orlais wanted to control them. The Inquisition was a behemoth of an organisation now, so many people relying on it, either working for it or supplying it. That single original goal, closing the Breach and finding those responsible was long done. Back then, that purity of purpose had driven them through all the setbacks and victories. Now it was drawn in all directions, and its helmsman was in danger of becoming rudderless herself.

The Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste; the titles allowed people to fill in what they thought she was, or what she should be. What was it Lace Harding had said to her, ‘every time you’re more than just a person to someone, you’re also less than a person to them’. Sometimes, she thought people didn’t even think she was a person, just an icon or target. 

Krista looked again at the reports, and gave up. She got up, dragged her chairs onto the balcony, and sat down with her feet up. This is what she didn’t do anymore, sit and stare at the mountains. Just take time and stop. Cullen wouldn’t be back for a while; he’d have gone to his office after reading Cara and Ewan their bedtime story, then work for a while until he came to bed later. She’d offered, but they wanted Da to read to them. Not surprising, as they were used to him, Cullen was always there. He was with them every day, in around the work he had to do. If they weren’t with him, they were with Nana. Ama, as they called Krista, was often away. 

Cullen. They both knew it wasn’t the same between them. Her absences, and their disagreements over decisions she had made, initially caused friction. Then even that went as both were focused elsewhere. 

Krista had supported the mages setting up the College of Enchanters after Leliana had abolished the Circles. It was a risk, but she wanted to give them the chance to prove themselves, after all their aid in fighting Corypheus. Cullen was no longer a Templar, but sometimes he couldn’t stop thinking like one. There was no oversight he’d complained, who would be there to ensure their safety, as well as the safety of others. He said she should have kept them in the Inquisition, were they could be at least monitored. His dreams had stopped, but the memories of Kinloch Hold never really went away. 

The Templar Order was effectively gone, and those remaining, who were uncorrupted, joined the Inquisition. There was really nowhere else for them to go anyway. And Cullen had set up a programme to help those who wanted to give up taking lyrium. He’d become a symbol of hope in beating the addiction. And he was determined to help all those he could. Krista made sure he had all the resources he needed; she knew how important it was to him.

Apart from the children, or Inquisition matters, they really spoke about anything else, or were even intimate now. It grew gradually, a step at a time, an absence here, another distraction there. Both of them managed to remain friendly, it was just the rest of their relationship that seemed to have slipped away. 

There were times, when she stood in his office, she remembered how they had been. There so many good memories attached to his office and loft. Reports stuck to her after sex on his desk, how she’d asked him to marry her, the first time he’d smacked her bottom, and how they’d always bantered. Not to mention the night of their wedding, when all she wanted in the world was him, and how she loved him with every fibre of her being. It made her sad, because she still loved him.

Tonight had also crystallised something else for Krista. She realised she was in danger of becoming her parents. Those distant people that she and her siblings would be presented to, not the parent Cullen was, who cuddled, played with, fed and read stories to his children. The last couple of months just when they were becoming more aware, was the time she been away a lot, dealing with negotiations, petitioners, and Maker know what other problems the Inquisition was now dragged into. Occasionally they had to deploy the army to keep the peace, but in the main it was diplomatic problems. 

The Inquisition was taking her away from everything she loved, and she didn’t know what to do to fix it. It couldn’t go on like this; she wanted her husband, her children and her life back.

Krista also missed her friends, not realising when they were there how much it helped. Most of all she missed Dorian. Bull and Cole were still around, but Bull was out in the field at lot, mopping up pockets of Venatori, and Cole was learning, spending more time with people. He wanted to help, but she knew this was something he couldn’t, unless he could unmake her Inquisitor.

She sat for a while, just staring, and then her hand started to itch more again. The Anchor had always itched a little, but she learnt to live with that. Over the last few weeks, it had begun to stir again, and she’d not seen a rift in months. It made her hand tremble slightly when it did. It was never for long though. She guessed another spasm was on its way.

Maker, she was so tired, physically and mentally. She closed her eyes and soon sleep overtook her.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late when Cullen finally went up to their room. Krista would still be at her desk with all the reports, so he decided to just go to bed. When he got there, her desk was still piled up, but no Krista and no chairs. He took a chance and looked out onto the balcony. She was asleep, sitting out there in the cold. As he opened the door, he could hear her moaning gently in her sleep. He knew she used to often just stare at the mountains before, but it had been a while since she’d done that. 

As he picked her up, he felt how cold she was. Maker, how long had she been here? He had to get her in, and by the fire. He sat on the sofa, holding her on his lap. It was then he noticed how she was holding her hand, the one with Anchor, bunched into a fist. Still half asleep, she stirred.

“Cullen?” her voice was sleepy.

“Ssh, I’m here Kitty,” he replied quietly not wanting to rouse her anymore. She got precious little rest as it was. 

This half awake state was the only time her mask slipped a little, showing her vulnerability. He’d long guessed that she didn’t know what she was doing. She was expected to be strong and somehow she’d convinced herself this was who she meant to be. And the more she tried to be strong and carry on, the more she drifted away. He’d let it go, because when he’d tried to push her, she’d retreated further from him. 

The woman who joked, cursed and laughed, had retreated somewhere inside, and Maker, he didn’t know anymore how to get her back. But he loved her, he’d always love her, and if that meant waiting, he would.

It hadn’t been the same between them for a while. There was so much else to contend with and gradually, slowly it had taken them over. And watching her earlier with the twins, he saw how hurt she was when they wanted him to read to them. He could see it in her face, she felt like stranger there, like she didn’t fit. Now she’d be trying to carry that too.

What he did know was that being the Inquisitor was subsuming Krista, and he hated it. Because she was the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, everyone felt they could call on her. They didn’t see the human being stuck in the centre of that. What was originally meant to be a force for good was becoming just another huge power base, with all the problems and difficulties that came with it. Ultimately she was responsible for every decision, and eventually it would destroy her. It had already started to destroy them.

Cullen hugged her, almost as a reflex action to protect her, and he heard a gentle moan, as she pushed herself against him. She opened her eyes, and looked up at him, blinking for a few moments.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore...” she said, looking drained and her voice weary. 

For a moment he wasn’t sure what she meant, and a cold hand gripped his heart. He needed to ask.

“What can’t you do?” he asked, unsure what her answer was going to be.

“Be the Inquisitor. I’m losing everything I love.” Krista was gently stroking his arm. She was looking down now, but he could hear the tremor in her voice. 

His heart settled. He could sense she was awake now, and the mask gone. This was the first time she’d opened up, and he realised she needed him again. He wasn’t going to lose this chance.

“I love you, and you will never lose me, ever. I just...I just didn’t know how I could help you. Every time I tried, it made it worse. Maker knows I’m not always good saying what I mean,” he said. “You did say I’m the man with a hammer, to whom everything appears a nail.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she replied, now looking up. Cullen thought he saw a flicker of a smile arise. “I’m sorry, sometimes I... well... I open my mouth without engaging my brain.” She sighed.

“Well, now you mention it...” he said, smiling and stroking her face.

“I know, I know,” she replied, leaning into his hand now.

“So, what do you want to do about being Inquisitor?” he asked gently. “You know whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”

She rubbed her eyes. “I know. Let’s see what happens at this Exalted Council. It may even be the decision is taken out of my hands. If they want to disband, I’m not going to fight them.”

Cullen saw her left hand tremble. She quickly fisted it, and held on to it with her other hand. She was trying to hide it from him, albeit badly.  
“Talk to me, what’s wrong?” he asked, a tad forcefully.

Krista looked at him for a moment, then let go of her left hand and unfolded it. He could see the Anchor glowing brighter than usual. “It’s been a little more active recently and spasms occasionally. It’s never for long and doesn’t hurt. I just don’t know why it’s doing it. I wondered if it could be reacting to me, but the one person we could ask left us two years ago.” 

They still hadn’t found out why Solas left, or what his parting message meant, and it continued to bother Krista.

She shook her head, and let out a sharp laugh. “Years back, when we were angry with each other, I remember thinking you’d be happier just to have the Anchor on my hand, and not me. But now, I wish I didn’t have it.”

“I don’t ever remember thinking that, just that you shouldn’t be so reckless.” Cullen smiled and kissed her forehead. She smiled back. A glint came into her eye.

“Really? That’s not the impression I got. You were an arse,” her voice now a little louder, but she was still smiling.

“So were you. As I remember you even admitted you were a pain in the arse,” he said matching her tone and smiling back. 

“Well, you used to annoy me, lecturing me all the time,” she replied defiantly.

“You used to deliberately wind me up, and admitted it, by the way,” he countered. 

“I did, didn’t I? Your jaw used to clench so much,” she let out a little laugh, and put a finger to his chin.

“What did you expect, you used to mock smile at me, and never listened. I might as well have been talking to myself,” he was grinning back at her.

“You were most of the time, if I recall. All I had to do was say ‘I understand’ enough times, and hope I got away with it,” she teased. 

When was the last time they’d bantered like this? Maker, he’d missed it. They hardly ever spoke about anything but their children and the Inquisition.

“I did apologise first, if you recall,” he said smugly.

“That you did. Because you were in the wrong,” she mocked.

“Uh-huh. That didn’t stop you from trying to kiss me. Or did I mistake the lipstick you left behind?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you...you disarmed me. You smelt too good. I think you were deliberately trying to tempt me,” she huffed. But now she had that smile, the one the one he loved. He recalled, when he first saw it, how it made him feel good about himself.

“Me tempt you? Who was the one with no underclothes when I came to your cabin?” he said, goading her.

“Who wanted me to take my shirt off so he could touch my tattoo?” she replied, biting her lip and watching him with those dark eyes.

Cullen knew those signs, and Maker, he wanted her, more that he wanted them to be together again. He knew it could be a risk, she could withdraw again. But he also knew he would regret it if he didn’t try. There were too many moments where they’d tiptoed around each other.

“Who begged me to fuck her?” he asked, giving her the smile. He remembered how she’d react, how her eyes would close briefly. She used to tell him she was a sucker for that smile.

He heard her breath catch. “Cullen...” she said quietly, her eyes closed.

“You know I want you right now.” He was pressing her, he knew, but hoped she would let go. He waited.

“What’s stopping you?” she finally whispered, opening her eyes. 

Absolutely nothing, he thought. Cullen kissed her. He’d missed her so much. He needed her, he was hungry for her. Her hands snaked into his hair, and grasped his head, pulling him down harder on her mouth. Still holding her, he got up and he managed to walk them over to their bed. He broke away and laid her down. As he climbed onto the bed next to her, he heard, 

“I love you, Rutherford,” her voice breathless, with a mixture of desire and love.

That was the first time she’d called him Rutherford for a long time. He hoped this might at least be the start of them coming back together.

“I love you too Kitty,” he replied kissing her again, and settling his hand on her hip. Her gasp flew into his mouth. Maker, he so loved his wife.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at Halamshiral, tensions arise again. Cullen makes a new friend.

The parade over, Cullen and Krista were now in the stateroom allocated to them in Halamshiral. A little different from last time, when they had separate rooms and she’d crept into his room in secret, via the window of course. Maker that seemed so long ago now. She knew he didn’t like being here; the memory of being swarmed by the nobles on the last occasion still irritated him. There was no danger of that this time, or any marriage proposals. 

“Another parade, another bloody negotiation,” he complained taking off his jacket and flopping in a chair. “Have I mentioned how much I hate this nonsense? This is why I stay in Skyhold.”

“Repeatedly! You’re lucky you can. I don’t have that choice, as you well know,” she replied sharply. The journey here hadn’t been that smooth, and he’d become annoyed with her when he wanted to talk and she‘d put him off to read the briefings. 

“You’re the one who wanted this thing to end, but now you’ve just fallen back into the same role, the same pattern. I thought we were getting somewhere before we left. We spent time together, and I thought...” he rubbed his neck. His frustration showed now, the familiar jaw clench. 

Did he think that one night was going to cure everything? All it seemed to do was stir up emotions between them.

“I need to be prepared for whatever they throw at us, and I can’t be that without knowing what they’re thinking, what they might be planning. You should be aware of the importance of intelligence, Commander,” she emphasised that last sentence. “We need to make sure...” she started, but Cullen stopped her.

“How much do you need to prepare for dissolving the Inquisition? And am I here as just your Commander? What happened to us trying to put things back together? Maker, I don’t know who you are sometimes. You say one thing and then do the complete opposite.” His voice was angry and he was shouting at her. 

Krista couldn’t remember the last time they argued, it was so long ago. But right now she was getting mad with him too. “You didn’t let me finish, but then, when do you listen when you’re pissed off. I’m going out for a bit, we can talk about this later.” She turned to leave and then heard him speak.

“The Kitty I knew would never walk away from a fight. But evidently this one does,” he said bitterly. “You used to care,” he added now with a tinge of regret.

“Meaning what? That I don’t now?” she turned to face him, her voice raised. “I care enough that I want to make a good end, not leave some mess for others to clear up. Don’t you remember why Cassandra had to declare the Inquisition in the first place? I need to ensure that the world our children grow up in is more peaceful that what we’ve had to live through; or at least make the best effort I can. So don’t you dare accuse me of not caring!” 

Krista was really mad at him now, her heart racing and her breathing rapid, and had to get out. She marched to the door, but before she could leave Cullen was behind her and took hold of her arm.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked. She could hear he was still a little angry, but had lowered his voice.

“Cullen, you never bothered to ask,” she replied, still angry. “But that’s not surprising. It’s not exactly the first time is it?” She didn’t dare turn to face him. She just wanted to get out, simply because she was in danger of saying something worse if she stayed. “Now please let go of my arm.”

“We need to talk properly, you know that,” he replied, his voice gentler now. He let go of her arm.

Krista sighed. “I know, but I’m so fucking pissed off with you right now, I can’t be rational. I need to calm down first.” She tried to be gentler too, but it still came out as terse. Of course he was right, but not now.

As Krista left their room, Cullen watched her go. She was right; they’d just lay into each other, the mood they were both in. But there was one thing he did see; she still had fire in her belly. And that was something he’d not seen in a while. He needed some air too and decided to try and walk off some of his frustration.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Cullen walked the grounds, he noticed how everything was manicured to within an inch of its life in the Winter Palace. He was absolutely one for order, but not like this. The last time they were here, there wasn’t much time to wander round. The garden back at Skyhold had now grown into its own organised chaos as Krista had put it, and it was more beautiful than this. And that’s how he remembered her, organised chaos, and that’s what he always loved about her, and that’s what he missed.

The Exalted Council wasn’t meeting until tomorrow, and so there was a chance to rest until then. Well, after he’d checked on the Inquisition ‘honour guard’. He’d made sure that he pushed the numbers to the absolute maximum they were allowed. Cullen wanted to make sure they had enough soldiers should anything happen. Not that he imagined it would, but they had to be prepared should it.

It was on his way back that he saw the merchant...with a mabari? Seeing it somehow made him feel better, like a reminder of Ferelden, but a good one. Five minutes later, the dog was his. As soon as the mabari saw him, he latched onto him. Cullen knew that about them, how they imprinted on someone. This one looked young, perhaps just into adulthood, and it seemed that he’d been abandoned. It had been years since he’d had a dog, and he certainly wasn’t going to leave him here stuck with all these Orlesians.

As he walked past the small tavern in the grounds he could Krista in there with Bull, Dorian and Sera. He almost went in but thought better of it, heading instead to a quiet corner of the terraces. It was there he found Cassandra, deep in thought. 

“Cassandra. It’s good to see you again,” he said, happy to see her. She looked more at peace than he remembered her from before.

“Hello Cullen. I see you Fereldens stick together,” she replied smiling. “He is a beautiful looking animal. I did see him wandering around earlier, I didn’t realise he was yours.”

“Well, actually, he wasn’t then. He’s decided he likes me I think,” he replied. “I’m still trying to find a name for him.” The mabari was now rolling on his back in the floor, inviting Cullen to fuss him. He couldn’t refuse and sat on his haunches, now rubbing the dog’s belly. It wasn’t long before Cassandra joined him. 

“Cullen, I’m glad I saw you. There is something I have been meaning to talk to you about,” she said.

“What’s that?” he replied.

Cassandra looked up at Cullen. “I understand you have taken more Templars into the Inquisition, and that you are helping to wean some of them off lyrium. I know because Krista told me, and she’s very proud of you for doing this. Well, as you know, we are rebuilding the Seekers and I wondered if you would have any objection to me talking to some of them to see if they would be suitable to join us. Obviously they would need to be free of lyrium.” 

“I think that would be an excellent idea, and would be happy for you to approach some of them. If you want to come to Skyhold we could discuss this further, and I could let you know those who might be likely candidates.” Cullen had worried what would happen to the Templars once the Inquisition had disbanded, so Cassandra’s suggestion came as a welcome one. He didn’t want to fail them the way the Order had.

“Good,” Cassandra said, smiling again. “I would be happy to come, it’s been a while since I saw Skyhold and it does have happy memories, even considering what we all went through.”

“Well, it’s not changed much except for the fact we have now have so many more soldiers and people. It’s practically full to bursting now,” he said with a sigh. Too many people, he thought. 

“Yes, I gather the size of your forces is causing some concern. You know they are all afraid of the Inquisition, its authority and influence, and more specifically the Inquisitor. Many people see her as a holy woman, a saviour, and it is that power they fear the most,” she said pointedly.

“I know,” he replied wearily. “It puts her in danger. Not the sort of straightforward danger we went through either.”

Cullen knew that look Cassandra was giving him; he’d seen it many times before. You must protect her, was what she meant. There had already been a number of plots to assassinate Krista, plots they’d managed to foil, so far. He always had people shadowing her, those he trusted. Although Charter had taken over as their new Spymaster, he knew Leliana still worked with her, feeding her information. 

But with the size of the Inquisition now, it was getting harder to spot infiltrators. Becoming suspicious of everyone could lead them down a road he didn’t want to travel, a road of control and scrutiny that could become tyrannical. He’d seen that with Meredith in Kirkwall, where suspicion and fear led to conflict and needless destruction of life. That was not a situation he wanted to revisit. He was brooding on this when he heard Cassandra again.

“There was something else I wanted to ask, how are you both?” he could see Cassandra slightly hesitant.

“Has Krista been talking to you?” he asked sighing.

“Her evasion when I asked her, spoke volumes, as does your response. I’m not one to normally interfere in such matters, but all I would say is remember what bought you both together in the first place. I would not want to see two friends of mine lose what good they have. All of us could see how you helped each other. That is all I wanted to say.” Her tone was calm and kind.

“Thank you. I appreciate it,” Cullen replied, rubbing his neck. He wasn’t always good about discussing personal matters, even with Cassandra, who probably knew him better than most. 

“I should go. He may need food or something to drink,” he said pointing to the mabari. “I really should give him a name,” he added, smiling.

“It was good to see you Cullen,” Cassandra replied smiling back.

“You too Cassandra.” And with that Cullen left. As he passed by the tavern on the way back, he noticed Krista had gone, and went inside to get some water for the dog. As he waited, he sensed someone next to him. Cole. Over the years he’d got more used to him, and found it easier to be around him, even though Cullen found him as cryptic as ever.

“It hurts, a heartbeat, not hers, hammering the beat of a song in its final verse. Her song is ending too, and she feels it.” Cole paused. “She always wants you to catch her,” he said, then walked away. 

Cullen watched as he left. Could Cole never say it properly, yet again he only understood snatches of what he said. He always caught her, of course he always would. But what did he mean about her song ending?

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista was making her way back to their room. She was in a much better frame of mind than when she left earlier. Seeing all her friends again had given her so much joy. Just talking with them and finding out what they’d been doing. Maker she’d missed them. And Dorian was back from Tevinter. There were a few tears when she found out he wasn’t staying, but the thought that she could still talk to him via the sending crystal he given to her, did help. He’d missed her too. Just the two of them talking again bolstered them both. 

He always called her out too. “Kitty, don’t be such an idiot, talk to the man. You’ve both fought through harder things. You see what happens when I’m not here. There’s no-one to keep your brain from going soft. Well now, there’s no excuse. You can talk to me anytime,” he’d said tutting at her. She hugged him, not caring what anyone around thought. 

“My dear, you know how tongues wag here,” he said.

“Fuck their tongues,” she replied laughing, to which Dorian roared with laughter in return.

“Yes, I do recall you using that particular phrase before,” he joked. “Now go and see your gorgeous Commander before one of these Orlesians decides we’re having an affair, and makes a bee line for him.” 

Of course Dorian was right. They’d been through so much worse. She needed to talk to Cullen, to apologise and try stop being an arse. 

Krista was still reading the documents Varric had given her as she opened the door to the room. It was unlocked so she figured Cullen was there.

“Cullen...” was all she got out before she felt something thump into her legs, and she found herself on the floor in the hallway. She heard “Maker’s breath!” from Cullen as she lay there. Krista looked up to see a mabari staring down at her, panting heavily, now with Cullen standing behind the dog.

“Ok...not what I was expecting,” she scratched her slightly stunned head. “You found...a mabari?”

Cullen helped her up. “Sorry, he is a little boisterous, he’s only young. I think he found me actually.”

Krista laughed. “Well, we do have a habit of picking up waifs and strays, don’t we?” she said as they went into their room.

“Well, I couldn’t leave him, another Ferelden trapped here at the Winter Palace,” he replied, still holding onto her hand. “You look better than earlier...” he hesitated. She was watching him, with a sad smile.

“Cullen, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have snapped. Maker, I don’t want to fight with you, I don’t want to be alienated from you. I love you and I miss you so much.” Cullen could hear the words tumbling out, and took her into his arms. She wrapped herself against him, her arms holding on tightly. 

“I’m sorry as well. you know all I ever really wanted was you. Without you I don’t know where I would be. I love you too,” he replied, his voice breaking a little now. 

They heard the mabari start to bark, then try and wiggle in, and both smiled.

“So, what’s he called then?” Krista asked looking up at Cullen.

“I’m working on that one, haven’t thought of a name yet,” he replied.

“Really, I might have one for you.” Cullen could see a smirk growing on her face. 

“Dare I ask? Kitty, this better not be rude, the twins already have picked up on you saying shit,” he rolled his eyes.

“Totally unrude, I assure you. Based on his evident talent for it, I name him Trip,” she giggled.

Cullen shook his head, “What sort of name is that?”

“One more than you’ve managed, Rutherford,” she teased. “Now, can we park him outside for a while, please? We need to talk and I think he may interrupt.”

With Trip now lying down on guard outside the door, Cullen and Krista sat down together.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Communication resumes, on all levels...
> 
> NSFW

For a few minutes, Cullen and Krista just looked at each other. It’d been so long, and there was so much to say, that neither of them knew where to start. The sheer volume of things they wanted to say to each other was in danger of stopping them before they even started. 

Krista realised it had to be just one thing, one thing to begin on, to concentrate on, and hope the rest flowed from there. They certainly weren’t going to resolve everything with one discussion. It was like staring at a stone wall, wondering how in the Maker’s name you can climb it, until you could see a handhold here, a foothold there...

“I miss you joking, and Maker help me, I even miss the cursing,” she heard Cullen say wistfully.

“You miss me cursing?” she asked, surprised now. “You’re the one that asked me not to, in case Cara and Ewan repeated it.”

“I know, but when you did it made me laugh. Besides you could never stop ‘shit’ escaping as we well know. Cara even uses the same tone when she says it,” he said smiling. “The more we tried to stop her, the more she said it.”

Krista groaned. “I did warn you what would happen if one of our children took after me. You just need to prepare for later, this is nothing right now.” She had been obstinate even as a child; and Cara looked to be a carbon copy of her. Ewan, on the other hand, took after Cullen, quieter, more measured. “Well, at least one of them will be a little better behaved, Ewan’s more like you.” Krista sighed.

Cullen knew she felt bad missing chunks of time when the twins were growing up, how she thought she was becoming estranged from them all; and how she tried to hide the hurt.

“They do miss you, you know, when you’re away. I know you feel like a stranger, I’ve seen it. But you’re not. They’re just more used to me being there. You just need to give them more time to get used to you when you’re around,” he said gently.

Cullen paused watching her now; he could see the lump in her throat, as she swallowed hard. “Same with us, you try too hard to be strong; you don’t lean on me like you did. And I miss not being able to support you. When you let me, you were less sombre, lighter, funnier, and that lifted me out of being too serious. Even Varric commented that I didn’t wander around looking so serious anymore.”

Krista let out a little laugh, but he could see her eyes moist now. This was a long time coming, and he went over and sat next to her on the bed. 

“Let it go, I’m here,” his voice soft, encouraging. 

He held onto her as she cried quietly, long held in tears rolling down her face. This wasn’t the deep, wrenching pain she had when telling him about the abuse she’d suffered. This was releasing the idea that she had to take all the responsibility, this was letting him back in. He’d also struggled without her, and he needed the woman he loved back. It wasn’t until she started to fade away, he’d realised how much her just being there made a difference to him.

As Cullen held her, not only was it his strength, but his compassion that Krista missed. Maker, why had she been such an idiot, she couldn’t even understand why now. What was it Cole had said “safe and solid, protecting and proud, he feels like quiet, stronger when you hold him”, and he was right, they did make each other stronger. She’d always survived on her own until Cullen, but that was all it was, surviving. Cullen had let her live again, be whole, be a person. 

Never again, never again was she going to let him go, and she put her arms around him, clinging on tight. She felt him kiss her head to comfort her; he always did that to comfort her. In that moment, nothing else mattered but being close to him. Krista felt the tears eventually subsiding as his warmth seeped into her. She sighed.

“What was that sigh for?” he asked, his voice echoing into her, as she leant on his chest.

“Just for being there...” she wanted to say more, but words couldn’t express all she was feeling.

“OK,” came the reply. She felt him take hold of her chin, and lift up her head.

“Ah,” he said looking at her face and then down at his jacket. “I think I need to clean both of us up.”

Krista wiped her face and then saw the make-up on her fingers, and then the rest of it on his jacket as she looked at him. “Oops” she said smiling. 

Cullen got up and found a cloth and some water. As he cleaned up Krista’s face, she was giggling. “Maker’s breath woman, keep still!” he said.

“I can’t help it, you’re tickling me. You don’t have to be so gentle, I’m not a child,” she joked.

“Are you so sure about that?” he teased, watching her eyes widen. “I am sitting here cleaning up your face by the way.” As he finished, he kissed her on the nose. 

“Point taken. You should clean your jacket, before it sinks in more.” Cullen saw the smirk on her face now. 

Cullen laughed and then took off his gloves and jacket, sat back in the chair and started to try and get the stain out. As he did so, he felt her eyes on him. “Something on your mind, Kitty?” he asked, briefly looking up, and then continuing.

“Just that...if our son turned out like you, I’d be so proud of him,” she replied, now catching his eye as he looked back up.

“Kitty, I haven’t always made good decisions or choices in my life. I’m not exactly without fault you know. I’d rather he did better.” He didn’t want his son to go through what he had, he wouldn’t anyone to.

“Maybe not, but you wanted to do better; and you still wanted to help others, just like you did as a child. I don’t think you ever lost sight of that, even in your worst moments. I...like who you are,” she responded. 

He could hear emotion as she spoke, but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. He stopped, now curious. “You like me?” he asked, a little puzzled.

“I think you’re amazing, Cullen,” she gushed. Maker, did that just come out of her mouth? Was she fawning over her own husband like some lovesick adolescent? Evidently, yes. Because in that moment, she adored him.

She saw Cullen smile, that little smile that made the corner of his mouth go up, that smile that suckered her every time, that smile that made her unsteady. Her stomach was fluttering now. She knew she was staring at him, and felt the heat in her face. 

“Huh, so you think I’m amazing,” he drawled, now coming to sit beside her. 

Now she knew she was going mad, as he looked at her and she felt her thoughts clouding. She closed her eyes briefly, and took a deep breath, and tried to gather her wits. It partially helped, until she watched as he began to undress her. Shivers traced their way down her spine, settling into the heat now growing inside her, the two merging to create tiny shudders that rippled through her. 

“Cullen...” she tried to speak, but it sounded more like a whimper. “This isn’t...talking...”

“No, but you don’t get to look at me like that and not expect me to want you...” his voice now husky and his eyes with barely any amber left in them now.

He pressed her back onto the bed now taking off the rest of her clothes. As she lay there naked, her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, he began to undress, slowly and deliberately. All she could do was stare at him, her whole body now just full of ache for this beautiful man, her husband. 

Cullen finished undressing, still watching Krista watching him. Her body was different now, softer. She’d always been fit and athletic before, her muscles honed from training. With less time, her training was more erratic. And she had that little belly, that never went fully back after she’d had the twins. She hated it, but he loved it.

He climbed on the bed next to her and stroked her belly. She let out a laugh.

“Here am I, full of desire for you, and you just want to touch my pot belly. Sweet Maker, Rutherford!”

“I love it, you know that,” he said now leaning down to kiss it, then ran the flat of his tongue across it. A gasp came from Krista. He smiled. He loved the way she responded to him. Some things never changed, he thought. 

“So, do I have to haul all of you onto the bed, or can you manage it?” he teased, seeing how aroused she was. He heard her groan.

“You put me into this state, and then expect me to move,” she complained as he saw her lift herself up, and go to crawl up the bed. 

Cullen couldn’t resist and smacked her smartly on the bottom. The accompanying ‘oww’ was worth it. He quickly followed with a second, with the same result. 

“You’re a wicked man, Rutherford...” he heard her voice breathless now. 

Her bottom now arched up, he knew what she was awaiting for. He paused, and then landed a third smack on top of the red patch now forming on one buttock. She moaned loudly. He could see her arms shake slightly trying to hold herself steady. With the fourth, her arms gave way as she fell to the bed, with another moan. 

Her whole body was thrumming now, as she felt Cullen roll her onto her back. He pressed his mouth against her neck, kissing it and she felt his breath warm on her skin. She lifted one hand onto his head, playing with his hair. He was between her legs, his cock pushed against her, not inside, waiting, teasing her now. 

And she hadn’t even asked, he just knew when she needed this.

It was a matter of time now before she gave in. The longer she could hold out the more intense it was, just the thought of what would happen aroused her more. But she had to ask, to beg even. How he held back she could never work out. And he did it entirely for her. His turn would come. They both had long understood what each other needed. 

It was almost too much now, she wanted him so badly, she wanted the ache to stop, she wanted...

“Cullen....please...fuck me,” the words tumbling out breathlessly against his ear. She felt him take up her right leg into the crook of his elbow and move her left leg outward, opening up her legs even more. She was so wet now, and he glided in just slightly before pausing. Krista moaned in expectation.

“Again!” he ordered, his voice still husky but also forceful now. 

She gasped, another shiver running down her spine. Maker, she was barely coherent now. “Please...fuck me...I want...” and he rammed into her. She screamed. The sensations, the emotions all combined now: desire, love, absence, heat, tension, ache. As he forced himself into her over and over again he wasn’t gentle, and she didn’t want him to be. She wanted to feel him hard inside her, she needed it to hurt a little, and he knew it. The tension in her body tightened even more when she got closer, hurting, aching, needing now to come, to release. 

“Cullen...” she said.

“I know...” he replied and sped up his rhythm with longer, faster strokes. Her nails were digging into his back as she crashed over into orgasm and all the tension fell away. He grunted as she clenched onto him, emptying inside her, both of them shuddering and panting. He dropped her leg down onto the bed, and steadied himself with both arms.

“I need to...” he began.

“I know,” she replied. He needed to lie down. The ferocity took it out of him, but for her it was cathartic. 

He flopped down onto the bed next to her. Krista leaned over, kissed him and stroked his face.

“Thank you,” she smiled. “I love you so much, Rutherford.”

“I love you too, Kitty,” he replied smiling back. “Now, is there anything to drink here?” 

Cullen watched as Krista got off the bed and went looking. Maker, he’d forgotten how much he liked seeing the way she moved. With her tattoo, there was something visceral about her. Organised chaos, he thought again. 

“I’m afraid it’s just wine, not even any water,” she announced, holding up a bottle.

“It’ll do,” he replied waving her back.

She’d only got halfway back, when he saw her left hand spasm. She clenched it into a fist, now walking back with a slight grimace on her face. He could see the green light just flowing slightly out between her fingers. 

“Shit and fuck, why is this happening now?” she said, her voice wavering. 

Cullen took the bottle from her outstretched hand. “Is it worse than before?” he asked, concerned.

“It hurts a little more now. Nowhere near as bad as I when I first got it, but more than it has for the last few years,” she replied, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Hopefully it will go over soon.”

Cullen stroked her back tenderly, just to give her some reassurance. He knew he couldn’t make the pain go away, but just wanted her to know he was there. 

“Thank you,” she said softly.

If the Anchor was getting worse, he was worried about what could happen to Krista. If he truly admitted it, he was a little scared too. After a few moments, she turned to face him.

“I think I need that drink now,” and she went looking for a blade for the cork. She saw the look on Cullen’s face, he didn’t hide his feelings that well. She didn’t want to hide what was happening, but she could see the worry there.

She got one of her small blades and they opened up the bottle. It wasn’t too bad.

“I reckon they’ve given us the better wine. Being Inquisitor does sometimes have its perks,” she joked, taking a swig and passing the bottle back to Cullen.

“I much prefer ale, or whisky even,” he replied, taking another drink.

“I remember. We never got to finish that bottle back in Haven.” She was wistful now. That first night together was almost their last night together. So many things had happened to both of them, and they’d come through all of them. 

“Cullen...if I’m ever an arse again, please drag me back, even if I’m kicking and screaming against you,” she pleaded.

“If that’s what you want, of course I will. The screaming I don’t mind though,” he replied grinning broadly.

“Give me that bottle. I don’t want you getting drunk before dinner. You might actually whack one of those Orlesian arseholes this time,” she teased. “And don’t drink too much at dinner. It’s your turn later,” she winked.

“Maker’s breath woman, you don’t want much do you?” Cullen laughed.

“Not as much as you’re going to get later, Rutherford.” She took the bottle from Cullen, put it down and kissed him. 

He broke away.“Is that a promise?” he asked.

“No, it’s a guarantee,” she answered. He smiled, and she kissed him again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A break in, a nasty surprise and Cullen's turn
> 
> NSFW

Cullen and Krista were on the way back to their room after dinner. Even though he was married now, it didn’t prevent a few of the Orlesians trying their luck with Cullen. This time Krista had done a little more than rescue him. Her skills were rusty, but luckily this one woman was also a little drunk. Krista managed to pickpocket her handkerchief and drop it next to a man nearby, thus getting his attention on her. A stroked bottom had almost started a fight. But it removed their attention from Cullen, who she tugged away. Last time here, she’d had to behave; well this time, she decided to have fun.

They were still laughing about this as they got to their room. They’d left Trip with Cieran, one of the guards, who was happy to look after him. He was there, but with one of Charter’s agents. Krista remembered him from Haven, Scout Pelane as he was then, now known as Cutter. She knew something was wrong, and so did Cullen. He immediately put on the mantle of Commander.

“What has happened?” he asked Cieran.

“When I got back to your room, I saw the door ajar. I didn’t want to disturb you both, so I went to Charter.” He replied, with Trip still at his feet.

Cutter stepped in. “Someone obviously broke in, but nothing looks touched that we can see. It might be better if you could both check to see if anything is missing. I’ll get back to Charter and we can look into it.”

While they were talking, Krista checked the lock. Whoever it was hadn’t even bothered to try and pick it, just forced it, with what looked like a blade. She could see the pointed scratch marks in the wood. Amateurish, she thought. Looking at the bolt, she guessed they needed a replacement, which meant they couldn’t lock their door now. Wonderful, she thought. And they had plans for after dinner. It meant now they’d need...

“I’ll sort out getting a couple of soldiers up here, once the Inquisitor and I have checked the room,” she heard Cullen say. 

That, she thought with a small internal sigh. She got up.

Both of them went in and checked their belongings, Cullen couldn’t find anything missing. Krista saw her papers were untouched. Why would someone obviously break in and then take nothing, it was puzzling.

Cullen left to arrange guards for their room while Krista relayed the information back to Cutter, who then went off to brief Charter. She turned back to Cieran.

“Cieran, would you mind keeping an eye on Trip for just a little longer. The Commander and I will come and fetch him in a while,” she asked sweetly, watching Cieran now smile. He was from Ferelden too, and she thought he might not mind. 

“Of course Inquisitor, I’d be happy to. I’ll just wait for the Commander to come back,” he replied, bending down to fuss Trip.

“Thanks, and thank you for looking after Trip. I’m glad we left him with you now,” she said smiling.

“He’s a big softy actually. Not like my Uncle’s dog, that one would have been a real wardog. He was an Ash Warrior. We never saw him again after he joined, but we think both of them were lost at Ostagar,” he said sadly. 

“I’m sorry, I heard about Ostagar. We never really experienced the Blight back in the Free Marches, we were lucky,” she replied sympathetically. 

A lot of people were lost during the Blight, Cullen’s parents included. Had it not been for the Hero of Ferelden, most of Thedas would have experienced it. Krista had heard the stories growing up, and had great admiration for her. Talia Cousland was a legend, a famous Grey Warden, and Queen of Ferelden. The Inquisition had managed to make contact, but she was still out there searching for a cure for the Wardens’ short lifespan. She hoped one day to have the chance to meet her, and personally thank her for saving Cullen and changing Krista’s life.

“I count myself lucky. I managed to survive both the Blight and the explosion at the Temple, not to mention Corypheus,” he replied. “Hopefully there won’t be anything more,” he joked, laughing now.

Krista joined in. “You and me both, Cieran,” she said. “It’d be nice to have some relative peace for a change.”

They saw Cullen coming back, with two guards in tow.

“Inquisitor,” Cieran nodded, and Krista nodded back. With that he left.

Krista went back into their room, followed by Cullen. This break-in still bothered her; she couldn’t see a purpose for it. The papers she had hadn’t been touched and nothing else taken, so what was it they wanted. Something was off, and she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“Kitty? Are you listening?” Cullen was calling her; she’d obviously missed what he said.

“Sorry, this break-in, something’s not right,” she replied, still thoughtful.

“I agree. What were they hoping to find? It’s not as if we would keep anything confidential out in the open, here of all places,” he said, his brows furrowed now.

“Ah well, it’ll come to me...”she said almost to herself. Right now they had plans, and she wasn’t going to let this spoil them.

Krista walked up to Cullen, and slid her arms around him, smiling. “So, have I told you how much I like when you do your Commander thing?” she teased. “You get all forceful...” she sighed.

“You may have mentioned it,” he replied smirking, and kissed her. He felt her slide her hands over his bottom, fondling it now. He surmised their plans were still on, and smiled against her mouth. She broke away, and looked at him.

“I may need your help for the next bit,” she said teasingly and walked over to her bag. As she opened it, Cullen saw her pause, now rigidly still. “Cullen, get your sword...there’s something moving in my bag, amongst my smalls,” her voice controlled.

Cullen quickly got his sword, and moved Krista out of the way. As he picked up one item at a time placing them on the floor, part of him couldn’t quite believe what he was doing. Then came out a breastband with a large spider attached to it. Krista screeched and dived to the other side of the room, onto the bed. As he placed it on the floor, with the offending spider attached, both guards shot into the room. He motioned them to stay, and drove the tip of his sword right through the middle of the beast.

“It’s dead now,” he said and heard a whimper from Krista. 

“Just...get rid of the fu...flaming thing,” she stammered. 

He looked at the guards. “Can one of you take this to Charter. It might be connected with the break-in,” he ordered. He could see them look at each other.

“Yes, it is attached to a breastband. You can’t tell me you haven’t seen one of those before? Maker’s breath, it won’t bite.” His tone slightly harsh now.

One of them picked up the Inquisitor’s breastband, folding the spider inside, and they both left.

From what he could see, it looked fairly harmless, but he knew she would be scared now. Cullen couldn’t resist teasing her a little.

“I take it you didn’t check through your bag, when they asked us earlier,” he said, trying to keep his face and voice deadpan.

“Are you serious? I didn’t imagine someone would break in to steal my smalls...” her voice raised now, and looking at him incredulously.

“Well, you were lucky I was here to defend you from the horrendous monster. Maker knows what would have happened otherwise,” he said mock seriously. 

Cullen saw the realisation in her face, and she dived for a pillow. As it flew towards him, he impaled it on his sword, and dropped it on the floor. Feathers started billowing out, and both of them laughed. 

“I believe thanks are in order, don’t you think?” he inquired.

He watched as Krista walked up to him, put her hand over her heart, and fluttered her eyelashes “Thank you, my hero!” she simpered mockingly.

“My Lady, I think I’m owed more than that,” he replied forcefully, and pulled her to him, hearing an “ooh” from her. He had his sword in one hand still, and now Krista in his other arm. He’d match her in this pantomime.

“Why Ser, what could you mean?” her tone mock innocent, and her hand limply on her head.

“A kiss at least, my Lady, if not more...” his tone teasing now.

“Well Ser, more would depend...” she replied, her finger resting on her lips.

“On?” he asked, raising an eyebrow and smiling at her.

She looked at his sword, then drifted her eyes up his body. “The size of your weapon...” she was smiling cheekily now.

Cullen dropped his sword onto the floor and picked her up. “I don’t recall you ever complaining about either” he said, smirking back. 

Krista put her arms around his neck. “I‘m sure both are more than fit for purpose.” She winked at him. “Could you dig out my corset though. I don’t want to put my hand in that bag, not after...” she shuddered.

“Of course,” he replied putting her back down. And there he was rooting around in his wife’s bag of clothes. “The things I do for you Kitty,” Cullen shook his head. Finally he found it, and gave it to her.

“I don’t know why you’re complaining, you spend enough time taking them off me,” she laughed, now holding her boots.

Cullen took off his jacket and boots, and then sat on the bed, gazing at Krista as she got undressed. She slipped on the boots and then wriggled into the corset. He could already feel himself getting hard just watching her. This all came about completely by accident when her parents were visiting, but they’d refined it since then. This corset she’d had especially made with a little lace skirt. She strode over to him now, smiling and turned.

“Can you do the laces, but not too tight,” she requested. 

He tightened up the laces just enough, and then sat back on the bed, propping himself against the headboard. She crawled up the bed to him, and sat astride him, her breasts almost spilling out over the top of the corset. Maker, he so wanted her right now. She grabbed a couple of pillows, and put them behind her.

“No touching until I say,” her voice throaty. Her eyes were dark now. Although she did this for him, he knew she enjoyed it too. 

He couldn’t stop looking at her now as she tugged his shirt out of his pants and pulled it over his head, almost brushing against his face when she did. She began kissing his chest, and slowly, almost languidly, drawing her tongue over his scars, licking them one at a time. By the time she began to tongue and bite his nipples, his heart was pounding in his chest and his head beginning to fog up. He desperately wanted to grab her, but forced himself to hold back. 

As she moved down his torso, he knew where she was headed and gripped the bedclothes. She took off his belt, then unbuttoned his pants, tugged them down and off with his smalls. Maker, he thought was dying as she wrapped her hand around his cock and gently stroked it. When he saw her head go down, and she dragged her mouth up the shaft , he groaned. And again, and again. 

He wanted her so badly now he was practically shaking, but knew she would push him as far as she could first. That was the whole point. When she gave the signal, he could let loose and lose all control with his desire for her. This allowed him to do that and not feel it was wrong. This was his catharsis.

She lifted her head up and ran her tongue over her lips, watching him now. “Ready,” she breathed.

Cullen pulled her up, turning her over and practically dropped her onto the pillows, her bottom now raised. He heard her gasp. He moved her legs apart and with one hand now holding her down, he drove into her. He was brutal, more than he ever would normally be, more even than earlier, and he couldn’t stop now, the momentum building faster and harder. Like this, he wasn’t able to hold out for long.

The blood was beating a pulse in his head now, and he swelled almost to the point of pain. When he came, a loud guttural scream forced its way out, but the relief was wonderful. Breathing heavily he withdrew, kissed her bottom, and sat back, resting against the headboard. Krista had turned her head, and was watching him.

“What?” he asked, still breathless.

“I love your face afterward,” she smiled. “You look so...contented.” 

“Yes...well...drained might be a better description,” he grinned. “Come here,” he gestured her to him.

She got up and moved to sit astride him again. Cullen took her face into his hands and pulled her towards him, kissing her. He felt a small sigh escape from her into his mouth and smiled. He broke away.

“You are so good for me, you know that. Maker, I do love you.” He pushed their foreheads together, and rolled his against hers.

“You too,” she replied, brushing her finger over his bottom lip. “I love you, Rutherford,” her voice soft.

Krista felt him move his hands into her hair, and take out the clips holding her plait up, then start undoing the strands. Her hair had grown so long now she kept it pinned up even plaited. One too many flicks into her eyes during training had convinced it might be better to keep it out of the way. 

“You should wear it down more,” he said, now bringing some forward and curling it around his fingers. 

She laughed. “I’m sure standing there with my hair swirling around is a lovely romantic notion, but it’s not very practical in the heat of battle, when trying to fire off arrows or throw blades. Or pick a lock for that matter.”

“And how often do you do any of that now?” he asked.

“Not much and I miss it. Battle so much simpler than diplomacy. The fact someone is trying to kill you sharpens your wits, keeps you focused. Endless talks and negotiations just dull your brain. Well, they do mine. How Josie thrives on it, I’ll never know.” Why she should miss it, Maker knows. The whole idea had been to bring peace, and there she was still hungering for a fight. She sighed.

“You know what they say, warriors don’t die, they just fade away,” he responded, now thoughtful. “I think this is our time to do that, at least with the Inquisition. I can’t imagine either of us staying out of trouble though, however much Mia asks us to.”

“She knows us too well, I think,” she replied, shaking her head. “Anyway, we should go and pick up Trip. I suspect we may otherwise abuse Cieran’s kindness in dog sitting for us.”

“Not quite yet, I believe we have some unfinished business first.” Cullen smirked.

With Cullen’s hand now stroking its way up her leg and his mouth working its way down to her breasts, Krista moaned. “If you say so,” she whispered.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Exalted Council proves to be more exciting than they thought. Discoveries send Krista and her team off investigating...
> 
> Coverges with the canon in places

Krista was sitting listening to the arguments going back and forth between Teagan Guerrin and Cyril de Montfort. Josie had tried to her best at being conciliatory, but even she had now fallen quiet. She remembered Leliana’s words from the brief meeting they had just before the Council started “they are afraid of nothing so much as the hand that directs it all”. Her hand, quite literally. The hand that made her the Herald of Andraste and the Inquisitor, with the Anchor, that she got for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

It was her actions, her decisions that had led them here, and the influence she wielded made them fearful. An ex-thief, an ex-noble now, with an empire and a kingdom battling it out over the organisation she headed, quite deliberately avoiding mentioning her. Tegan was at least more honest, he wanted them gone; he didn’t want the Inquisition to fall into Orlais’ hands. Orlais, well, she could guess what Orlais’ plans were.

Watching this tussle was making her frustrated. One of the reasons they had influence was because they went in and solved problems. Her advisors, all the people around her, everyone had contributed to the Inquisition’s success; it was truly a joint effort. They didn’t have endless meeting to discuss matters to death first, but it also meant they had no oversight, something she’d realised herself. 

“You and I have come so far through the darkness together. It is time for us both to live in the light.” Leliana was right. Krista’s light was a farm in South Reach not far from Cullen’s family, with their family and Nana. Cullen had begun to organise it, sending word to Mia, because she’d promised him that she would disband. Krista was determined not to let him down, but he knew she needed to do it as much on her terms as she could get.

But right now she was in danger of another outburst. Josie had already had to step in after the first one, and was keeping an eye on her. Unfortunately, between her reconciliation with Cullen and the resurgence of the Anchor, the more diplomatic Inquisitor had been replace by the old mouthy one. 

One of the Inquisition guards arrrived beside her “Pardon me Inquisitor. Divine Victoria wishes to speak to you in private,” she whispered. 

Krista did a double take. “But...she’s sitting right there.” What is going on, she thought.

“The matter is pressing, Your Worship,” the guard replied, as Krista saw Leliana nod slightly at her.

Krista knew her leaving wouldn’t go down well, but Leliana wouldn’t risk this unless it was important. She spoke to Josie, and then apologised and excused herself. As she was leaving she could hear Leliana calling a recess.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well this was something new, Krista thought on the way to pick up her team. The pressing matter was a dead Qunari, an Antaam warrior in full armour, no less, and added to that an open Eluvian. The Exalted Council was definitely getting more interesting than they’d anticipated. There was only one way to find out what was happening; it was time to go exploring again. 

Cullen had stationed guards outside the room with the Eluvian, and Krista thought it would be best if they got changed there, rather than wander about in the Winter Palace in their arms and armour. The whole situation was delicate enough already. She found Bull and Dorian in the tavern, and Cole outside. Leliana had already spoken to Bull about the body, and she guessed what Bull knew, Dorian would also be aware of by now. Cole always knew what was happening anyway.

“Well, I hope you bought your gear with you, looks like we’ve got work to do,” she smiled.

Dorian shook his head. “You’re loving this, I can tell. And dragging us all back in again...”

“Boss always did love a good fight. Oh, this is going to be good. The old team back together again to kick some ass.” Bull was laughing now.

Dorian sighed “I need a drink,” he said wearily.

Krista looked at Dorian. “We’re just keeping you sharp for when you go back home,” she teased.

“Yes, thank you so much. There better not be any dragons this time,” he sighed again. 

“Ohh dragons...” Bull enthused, and put his hand on Dorian’s shoulder. “That would be awesome.”

“Solving problems, helping people, makes you alive again.” Cole said gently.

“Yes Cole, it does.” He was right Krista thought, this is what she loved doing, not the endless talk and bickering. 

They set off for the room with the Eluvian, and started to get changed. Krista remembered something Bull had said a while back, when he’d been talking to Dorian about the intermittent skirmishes between the Qunari and Tevinter.

“Bull, didn’t you say that when the Antaam dress in full armour, it means war?” she asked.

“Yes, but I don’t understand why now, and why here. I burned all my contacts in the Ben-Hassrath, so I’m working blind on this.” He looked confused and a little worried. Even though he’d committed to the Inquisition, it couldn’t be easy to go against his own people.

“Well, we’ll just have find out then,” Krista replied. “Leliana will hold the recess as long as she can for us. But I’ll have to get back at some point. Ugh, did I mention how much I hate politics.”

“Repeatedly,” came a voice from behind her. Cullen. She laughed, and looked back at him.

“To what do we owe this pleasure, Commander?” Dorian asked. “I would have thought you’d have ample opportunity to catch your wife half dressed.” 

“I do, often, thank you Dorian,” Cullen replied, and Krista noticed not a blush in sight. Maker, she was corrupting the poor man now. That would have made him blush before. “I just wanted to brief the Inquisitor on Charter’s investigation into last night’s incident.”

“Cullen, you don’t need to stand on ceremony here. We’ve all been friends for long enough. Even I get to call her Kitty now,” Dorian insisted.

“That damn nickname has run rampant,” she sighed, rolling her eyes. She’d long given up trying to stop people using it. 

“Anyway,” Cullen continued, now rubbing his neck. “You’re not going to believe this. But it seems that the spider we found in your...um...” 

“Smalls, yes?” Krista interrupted. She could hear titters from Bull and Dorian. “Oh for the love of... ok, fine, laugh it up” her tone now resigned.

“...was actually poisonous. Not enough to kill, but enough to make you unwell. And...it seems it was because of me.” Cullen paused.

“Go on...” It began to dawn on Krista then.

“This particular individual bore a grudge that her marriage proposal was rejected because we got married...and thought...with you incapacitated...she could persuade me to divorce you...and marry her. She was reluctant to try and kill you, because of who...you...were...” he was hesitating more now. 

Krista knew it was because he could see her playing with the blade now in her hand. Dorian and Bull were roaring with laughter behind her.

“You are shitting me. I am going to find this fucker and have words with her,” she fumed. What kind of idiot had an idea like that? Orlesians and their stupid Game, that’s who.

Cullen came up to her and calmly took the blade out of her hand. “No, you won’t. Josephine’s handling it. You don’t need to be seen losing your temper right now. Think, Kitty,” he said firmly.

“I personally would have let her do it, Cullen, for the entertainment value alone. Our dear Kitty is a force of nature when she’s like this,” Dorian joked. She saw Cullen glare at him. Dorian cleared his throat, “but of course you’re right. Discretion is needed right now.”

“Nice to see you back, Boss,” Bull added chortling.

“Fire in the belly again...” added Cole quietly. Krista saw Cullen glance at him.

“Ugh...alright... you’re right, Cullen,” she grumbled. She then looked at him enquiringly, “fire in the belly?” she mouthed, watching him grin back at her.

Krista put her hand out and Cullen handed her the blade back. She sheathed it and picked up her bow. “So, are we all ready then?” she asked, watching the nods in response. “Let’s show them what the Inquisition does best.” There was that familiar feeling of apprehension and excitement. Maker take her, she had missed this. She turned back and winked at Cullen. He was standing there, arms folded, but he was smiling.

Cullen watched as they all left through the Eluvian. This is what she loved best, he could see her eyes shining as she winked at him. And honestly, he would have rather been there with her, than stuck back here. They’d not fought together often, barely a handful of times, but he knew how good she was tactically, how she read opponents. He left picking up Trip at the door, and went to find Leliana and Josephine. They’d already set up a room for debriefing. Just like old times, he thought.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“One dead Qunari was bad enough, but now we have more and they’re hostile?” Cullen shook his head. 

He watched as Krista continued. “Bull confirms they’re not Tal-Vashoth, but Antaam and Ben-Hassrath. He thinks they believe they are following the Qun, but maybe a rogue group. And they are well dug-in, probably been there a while, using the Eluvians to get around. These Qunari see us, the Inquisition, as a threat, to be attacked on sight. However, they are not the only factor at work, notes we found indicate someone else awakening the spirits to attack the Qunari, a mystery agent we haven’t been able to identify. Dorian thinks this person is a mage to be able to use the spirits in that fashion.”

“But why would they see us that way? I understand they were upset at the loss of the dreadnought, but why now if that was the case?” asked Josie.

“Not to mention how and why are they using the Eluvians?” added Leliana. 

Cullen groaned. “First the Blight, then mages and Templars, then Corypheus, now this? Can’t we go ten years without the world falling to pieces?” 

As he heard Josephine start talking again, he saw Krista fist her hand again and tuck both arms behind her back.

“...in a delicate state, not helped by the Inquisitor insulting everyone by walking out in the middle of talks. Orlais and Ferelden are divided in goal and grievance right now, but if they unite, we could lose everything.” Cullen heard the anxiety in her voice. Josephine exhaled. “It will be fine. I will attend to the Exalted Council.” 

They hadn’t spoken to Josephine of their decision. And there she was, doing her best to hold everything together. He knew she had so much invested with the Inquisition, she didn’t want to see it end. And now this business with the Qunari had come up. 

“While Josie does that, we will investigate,” added Leliana. Cullen knew Leliana well enough to see how she was relishing this.

“And I should head back to the Crossroads, we need more information on their plans, and I’d like to find out who this third party is,” Krista stated and went to leave.

“A moment, Inquisitor,” Cullen said. He walked over to her, waiting until the others had left, and then took hold of her arm, tugging it out from behind her back.

“Were you going to tell me about this?” he demanded, seeing the green light radiating from her glove.

“Yes, but not in front of the others.” she replied defiantly. “I wasn’t hiding it from you, I did promise not to, remember.” 

Cullen let go of her arm. “Sorry, I just...” 

“I know, things don’t just fall back to how they were. I understand you’re worried. Maker, I know I am.” Krista rubbed her forehead. “There was... an Elven artefact...in the ruins. The Anchor...reacted to it somehow and now it builds up a charge. I have no idea how or why. Dorian can’t explain why either. Hah, where’s Solas when you need him...” 

Cullen could see the worry and irritation on her face, Krista always needed to know why something was happening. She used to hound Solas with questions about the Anchor, the Fade and any number of other things she could think of. She really was sometimes like a child with her curiosity. 

He saw the light fading now, and she unclenched her hand. He was worried that it was getting worse, and didn’t realise he was frowning now.

“Cullen?” Krista calling was him.

“Yes, I’m here,” he answered. “Just thinking...” 

“I could see that. You’re brooding again. We need to get through what’s happening now, not what might happen. Alright?” He saw her looking to him to agree.

“Alright,” he replied. 

“I need you, Cullen. But I also need my Commander to be focused,” she said smiling now.

“Of course, Inquisitor,” he replied smiling back.

“Good,” she said. “Now give me a kiss,” she added cheekily.

“Is that an order, Inquisitor?” he answered, pulling her against him.

“No, but I would strongly recommend...” 

Cullen kissed her before she could finish. They were both joking, but the kiss was them both needing each other. They eventually broke away, and he watched her leave. 

He really didn’t like this, not one bit.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following another mission, through the Eluvian, Krista needs to talk to Cullen about the Anchor, but it doesn't quite go as planned.

Krista had sent word to Cullen asking him to meet her in their room. He wouldn’t be able to come straight away; his soldiers were still helping Leliana in securing the gaatlok barrels found in the Winter Palace. That wouldn’t go down well with the Orlesians, but it needed to be done. The Fereldens were already angry enough at them anyway, she couldn’t possibly piss them off any more. 

What they’d found on their last trip through the Eluvian was a large part, but by no means the entire puzzle. Dragon’s breath, the Viddasala, gaatlok, lyrium mining and Fen’Harel, all pieces of a puzzle yet to fit together. Leliana had surmised that Dragon’s breath was the gaatlok barrels now being removed, and she had sent word to her contacts elsewhere. One thing for sure, it was part of an invasion by the Qun, not a rogue group after all. They were definitely at war now.

What wasn’t clear was why the Qun thought the Inquisition was working with Fen’Harel, and why they’d been mining lyrium to feed to saarebas, their mages. Bull had been shocked by this because normally the Viddasala did the complete opposite. Magic was considered dangerous by the Qun, so studied and neutralised, not encouraged.

Krista’s team would shortly be heading back to the Crossroads again, this time to search for the Viddasala herself. But she needed to rest a little first, and she needed to talk to Cullen. Krista pulled off her gloves, and looked at the Anchor again. The glow had reduced from what it was in the Deep Roads, but still covered her hand stretching to above her wrist. It was getting worse faster now, and hurting more when it flared. And she knew, somehow she just knew, it would kill her. Each trip through the Eluvian exacerbated it more. 

Maker, Cullen wouldn’t like what she needed to say to him. So many times she’d managed to cheat death; even he had come to think someone was looking after her. To her it was sheer dumb luck, luck that had now run out. Shit, all those wasted months. Now their time together was running out. If she could go back, she’d batter sense into her own head. 

You need to be calm, breathe, she thought. Krista heard the door open, and of course it was Cullen.

“You were looking for me?” he asked. She saw he seemed a little puzzled.

“Yes, come and sit with me,” she patted the bed next to her and smiled. “I just wanted to talk before we left again.”

She watched as he sat down next to her, still looking a little unsure as what this was about. Krista showed him her Anchor hand.

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed.”It’s got...”

“...worse, I know. It’s every time we leave now.” she said calmly. “It’s accelerating, and there’s nothing we can do about it. So you need to listen to me, there are things we need to talk about, while there’s still time.” His face, Maker, his face. He could see what was happening, but he didn’t want to believe it. 

“You’ve come through so much, there’s...” he began, but she interrupted.

“Not this time. And you have to accept it. It’s not just us anymore. You have to be there for our children.” Krista paused letting it sink in. “Now, we’ve both made testaments, so that’s taken care of. Nana will probably want to stay, but should she wish to leave at any time, you need to promise me she will always get a stipend. She left my parents to be with us, and I want to be sure she will never need for anything. The other thing is this.” 

Krista gave Cullen the papers for the Kirkwall estate and key to the city, from Varric. “Varric made me a comtesse, with the deeds to an estate in Kirkwall. I would guess you’re not keen on being there again, so it’s up to you how you...” 

“No.” his voice firm and his jaw clenched now.

“Cullen...”

“I said no! And no more of this!” Cullen said harshly, throwing the papers and key onto the bed. She could see the anger in his face.

Krista opened her mouth to speak, but she was so taken aback, no words came. This was not how she expected him to react. Distress and denial, but not anger. She just stared at him, unsure what to do.

“You sit there, matter of fact, and tell me that you think you’re dying. You’re then planning my future and what I should do. It’s like...you’ve...you’ve already given up,” he snapped. He turned to face her, glaring. “You, who fought your way through obstacles that would have felled others, now you decide to...” he was yelling at her. “I refuse to listen to any more of this.” 

Krista’s eyes opened wide and she froze. Cullen had never spoken to her so fiercely before. She saw the raw emotion in his eyes, as he took her roughly by the shoulders and dragged her across the bed to him. They were practically nose to nose now, and she could feel him breathing on her face. 

“I don’t care how you do it...but you are coming back to me...” his voice loud at first, but then breaking before it trailed away. 

It was then Krista saw something she’d never seen in Cullen, not even at his worst. He had tears in his eyes, silent tears now falling down his cheeks. She was stunned, and it took a few seconds before she could react.

“Cullen...I didn’t mean to...” she tried to apologise, badly.

He let go of her, moving slightly and dropping his head down. Krista tentatively put her arms around him. He didn’t resist, so she gently pulled his head onto her chest, and kissed it. She began stroking his hair, just as he’d done for her so many times, hoping it worked for him too. She really didn’t know. He’d never broken down like this before. 

Krista thought she was just being realistic, but all he saw was her giving up, on him. It was like telling him she didn’t love him. How she could not have foreseen this? Maker, had she so lost touch with him that she really didn’t know who he was anymore? 

She raised his head, and saw the hurt expression. Gently she wiped the tears from his face and kissed his forehead.

“Cullen, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you...I didn’t mean it to sound like that.” she said, her voice faltering. 

“Kitty,” he replied, his voice hoarse “With everything we’ve been through, I’ve lived with the fact I could lose you for a few years now. What I can’t deal with is the idea of you giving up, before you even get to that point.”

“I was just trying to be realistic, I don’t know what else to do right now,” she admitted.

“You fight Kitty, like you always do, you survive.” Cullen replied, a little more determined now. “And we come through this like everything else before.”

“It’s not that easy, Cullen,” she said sadly.

“No, but when has anything ever been easy for us. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t keep trying.” he said gently, now stroking her face. 

What else could she say now without hurting him even more? This wasn’t like before when there was just an external enemy. This time her own body was the enemy too. It felt wrong letting him believe that everything might be fine, but she didn’t have the heart to push it any further. But she wasn’t going to lie to him either. All she could do was show him that she loved him.

Krista slung her arms around his neck and pressed her face against his. “I love you Rutherford,” she said.

“I love you Kitty, always,” his voice stronger now. 

He kissed her. This one was full of longing, of things unsaid, of thoughts unshared. It was a while before they broke away. 

She watched as he started to undo the hooks on her jacket, and wondered where this was going. She realised when he reached in and pulled out her necklace. The one with his coin that she always wore. He looked at her, kissed it and tucked it back beneath her jacket.

“For luck,” he said smiling.

“Thank you” she replied softly, and did her jacket back up.

Krista shook her head. “We really do things backwards, don’t we?” she said. “From the beginning it’s been like this. We fight, we fuck, and only then do we talk.” it was only a half hearted joke, but enough to get a groan from Cullen.

“Yes, well...neither of us is the most normal of people,” he retorted. 

“Who else would have us though?” she joked. Then she remembered. “I take that back, before you say anything about spiders,” she added, narrowing her eyes at him.

The smile was already forming on his face. “I wasn’t even going to mention that, but as you did...” 

As her hand went back to grab a pillow, his came down on her arm, pushing her back onto the bed. “Spoilsport!” she huffed at him. 

“Purely in defence,” he replied, now with his other hand pushing down on her other arm.

“So, what do you call that then?” she asked, indicating to his hand.

“A countermeasure,” he answered. “Before you got any ideas.”

“In that case, I surrender,” she said. 

“I accept your surrender,” he replied, letting go of her arms. 

Before she would have teased him more, hoping it would lead further. But she knew she had to go, they had the Viddasala to track down, but more than that she felt guilty for hurting Cullen. Without meaning to she’d wounded him to his very core, and now she was going to walk out to yet another battle, and come back with even more damage. 

Krista went to get up, but Cullen pulled her to him and kissed her.

“I love you Kitty,” he said softly. 

“I love you too Cullen,” she replied, taking his hand and squeezing it. “I need to go,” she added and got up. 

She could feel the lump in her throat, and tears pricking at her eyes, as she walked out of the door. She swallowed it down as best she could. Sometimes things were better left unsaid. It was a pity she learnt that lesson too late. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cullen headed back to the temporary War Room they’d set up, after picking up Trip from the soldiers. Trip was getting quite a number of admirers and not just their Ferelden recruits. 

He needed to work, his emotions still running a little high after talking to Krista. He couldn’t get over how calm she was just discussing how things should be when she was gone. He was so angry with her then, but truth be told fearful as well. He was afraid that if she stopped trying, he would lose her. And both emotions had got the better of him, as only they did with Krista, and only because he loved her so much.

He hoped she understood what he tried to explain to her, but sometimes she could be hard to read. He couldn’t mistake the warmth with which she held him, and spoke to him, but he got the nagging feeling she was holding back somehow. 

Picking up one of the reports from the table, he tried to shift his concentration, but it still bothered him. This was no good; he had to think this out. Putting the report down, he replayed the events best he could remember, not easy considering how emotional they both got. None of it seemed unusual, well, not for them, at least. 

But she hadn’t responded when he playfully pinned her down, something she would have always teased him about....Oh Sweet Maker, what had he done. Her expression when he grabbed her, eyes wide open staring at him, frozen, and then he pins her down and she wants to get away. 

Maker’s breath...she was surely scared of him now and he of all people should have known better. She’d suffered enough abuse before. All that time they spent helping, healing each other. And now he just ends up making her think she was in the same situation all over again. 

He had to reach her before she left, explain, apologise, anything. Cullen ran to the Eluvian room, with Trip chasing behind him, and dashed inside. They were gone, only the guards were left.

“Ser, if you were looking for the Inquisitor, you’ve just missed them. They’ve literally just left.”

Cullen’s heart sank. Maker, if something happened to her now, he would never forgive himself.

“Thank you,” he replied quietly and left, to go back to their room. He needed some time alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reconnection, remembrance, and one final mission
> 
> Canon convergence, with liberties

Cullen returned to their stateroom, with Trip in tow. Her perfume still lingered; he noticed it here more than at home back in Skyhold. Probably because he was more used to it there. Other than that and her bag, there wasn’t much to show Krista was here. Even after years of having set down roots, she still owned very little of her own. He often joked she could pack everything she owned into two bags and still have room to spare. Excluding her arms and armour of course. Old habits, she would reply.

But there was one thing she never went anywhere without. A small leather triptych, now a tad worse for wear, that he’d bought her after the twins were born. In it, three pencils sketches Nana had done of him and the twins. At home it sat on her desk, but whenever she was away, it went with her. Cullen had offered to buy her a new one, but she refused to part with it. All that got updated were the sketches of the twins as they got older. 

Cullen found it in her bag, and opened it up. All three sketches were gone. That meant she had them on her. If she was carrying them with her, he knew why, she’d want to have them close to...Maker he needed to talk to her as soon as she came back. He set off for the War Room, likely that would be the first place she come to, she’d need to brief them all.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Krista, Bull, Dorian and Cole stepped back through the Eluvian. All of them were getting a little tired now. So many missions in one day. Her lack of a proper training schedule had begun to show. They’d only have time for a quick breather, and then have to go off again. They needed to get to the Davaarad, to go after the Viddasala. 

Krista began to remove her weapons, she wasn’t going to get changed, there wasn’t enough time. “Right, can you wait for me here, take a rest and grab a drink. I’ll go and do the briefing, then be back.” 

Bull was still grumbling, he really didn’t like the Vir Dirthara. “Floating crap, magic mirror crap, evil demon crap. When this is over, I’m gonna need someone to hit me with a stick again.”

She smiled when she heard Dorian reply “I’m not sure whether I want that to be a metaphor or not.”

Bull growled. “Next time we get the gang back together, let’s do a dragon instead. Dragons are fun.” 

Dorian sighed. “Now we’re bound to find one.”

Time to go, she thought. She asked one of the guards to send messengers to find Cullen, Josie and Divine Victoria, and then headed to the War Room. As she got inside, she saw Cullen was already there.

“Hey...have you been here working all this time?” she asked. He was looking at her strangely, and she wondered what she’d missed. She then saw him hold up her triptych. So...he knew she had the pictures on her. She still felt bad about earlier, but hoped he might understand now. 

“I’m sorry...” she began, just as she heard Cullen say “I’m sorry...” They both stood there looking at each other.

He went up to her, he needed to explain.

“Kitty, forgive me. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier. I got upset, but I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. You know I would never hurt you.” Cullen watched she scratched her head, she looked confused.

“What? I wasn’t scared; I was...surprised...and shocked that I’d made you feel so bad. Maker, I just felt so awful and guilty for hurting you...” she looked at him. “I didn’t explain it well...”

Cullen realised he should have asked, not assumed. “I understand now. I know the pictures are your reminder of what you’re fighting for. I thought you’d given up and hated that. But you were trying to be...” 

“...realistic. I wasn’t giving up, but you needed to know how bad it’s getting and what can happen. I gave you my word I wouldn’t hide it, but you...” she sighed.

“Kitty...” he said

She groaned, and slapped her forehead in frustration. “You know what? Sometimes I think we shouldn’t be let loose on each other without a translator. For fuck’s sake...” She leant on the wall behind her and kicked it. 

For two people who loved each as they did, they were hopelessly stupid at it sometimes. Yet at other times, they just read each other perfectly. Positively bizarre, she thought.

Cullen walked over to her smiling, watching her now smiling back. He leant his arms either side of her. 

“I’m an arse, Rutherford,” she said, stroking his scar.

“So am I, Kitty,” came the reply, as he drew her to him and kissed her. Soon, voices caused them to split away.

Cullen walked to the other side of the table, joined by Josephine and Leliana.

Krista quickly briefed them on what they’d found in the Vir Dirthara, and that their next step would be to go after the Viddasala through the Davaarad. But it wasn’t until Leliana spoke that she was aware of how serious it was at this end. Gaatlok barrels had been placed in royal palaces and noble houses in Denerim, Val Royeaux and the Free Marches. 

Krista didn’t have much to do with her parents, but this... “Leliana, my parents...”

“They have been warned Inquisitor, as have all those concerned,” she assured Krista. “The barrels are being removed as we speak. However, it seems that the barrels that arrived here at the Winter Palace came on the Inquisition’s supply manifest.”

Krista’s voice got louder “They came in through us?!” she exclaimed.

Cullen groaned. “How are we supposed to fight a war, when we can’t trust our own people?” 

Leliana continued “Several of the Inquisition’s Elven workers have gone missing. Checking their backgrounds, we found they joined after fleeing the chaos in Kirkwall.”

“I remember when Kirkwall was at its worst. Many of the city’s Elves joined the Qun, trying to find a better life.” Cullen added, his face slightly frowning.

Josie sighed heavily “And the Qunari turned them into spies...”

Bull was right, that explained the notes they found in Qunlat and the common tongue.

But the worst of it was that the Inquisition had fallen prey to the very thing they fought to fight. No matter what happened, Krista understood the Inquisition had to be disbanded. They were so powerful now; corruption in the organisation would have a dire impact on the whole of Southern Thedas.

When she spoke, her voice was bitter “A few years ago, we railed at the mages for being corrupt. We did the same with the Grey Wardens. Hah! Look at us now.”

It was Josie who was the most upset; she had fought the hardest for them in the Exalted Council. “I fought to protect the Inquisition and for what? So we could deceive and threaten those we claimed to protect? Do you know what all this has cost us? Orlais and Ferelden are planning to dismantle us as we speak.” She paused sighing. “And perhaps they are right.”

Krista had felt the Anchor burning as they been talking, and had hoped she could get away in time, but now rapidly grasped that wasn’t going to be possible. Damn, she should have discharged it again before they came back. 

Shit, shit, she had to get them away, she had to discharge it before it discharged itself, and injured all of them.

“Move now, get half way up the stairs, I need to discharge the Anchor,” she yelled. She saw them all hesitate, watching her arm sparkling and fizzing up the elbow. 

“MOVE, NOW” she screamed, and then saw Cullen pull the other two out, and up the stairs.

Krista lifted her arm and slammed her hand to the floor. The Anchor released its charge with a hammer blast, shaking the ground; then rippling outwards in green circles around her, each concentric circle ringing with its own chime, until they dissipated away. She was still coated in the green light of the Anchor, but her arm had stopped sparking.

As the three of them returned and the light around her faded, she could see their shocked faces. Fuck, she didn’t want Cullen to have seen this. They were staring intently at her now, but it was Cullen’s face that upset her most.

“Yes, it’s been getting worse, I’ve no idea why, or how to stop it. All I know is my fucking hand is trying to kill me and I don’t know how mu...” she couldn’t finish that sentence; she couldn’t bear to say it front of him. “We have to stop the Qunari, so I need to get to the Davaarad while I can still fight.” She desperately tried to keep her voice steady.

As Cullen came and put his arms around her, she leant her face into his chest. Even his dress uniform smelt of him, that same comforting smell he always had that made so many emotions run through her. She breathed it in, not ever wanting to forget it.

Josie’s voice was gentle now.”Would you like us to inform the Exalted Council?”

Krista looked up “Yes, they need to know...in case...we fail”

Leliana looked at Josie. “I will inform them, Josie. You job is difficult enough. This is my responsibility.”

When Cullen spoke, his voice seemed to echo through her as she settled back against him “”I’ll station more guards at the Eluvian, in case the Qunari try a direct attack.”

Krista wanted to talk to Cullen, alone. “Could you both excuse us? I’d like to talk with my husband.”

“Of course Inquisitor,” replied Leliana, adding “Maker watch over you,” before she left.

“Cullen...I...” her voice faltered, as her legs gave way. Cullen caught her, he always caught her. He picked her up and gently sat her down on the War Table. She was tired, and sitting down was good.

“Did I hear a break in protocol, Inquisitor?” he asked, almost deadpan.

This made her laugh. “Commander, I believe we’ve broken protocol more times than is decent. And you’ve been living with me too long. You would never have made jokes like that before. You use to be so...serious,” she quipped.

“I think you might have been surprised,” he was grinning now. “This didn’t come from nowhere.”

“This is true, you do have rather a cheeky, if not saucy, streak” she laughed. Her fingers ran over a knot in the wood of the table. “You know, we never did do it on the War Table,” speaking her thoughts out loud. 

“You never asked. Had I known, I’m sure we could have...arranged something.” Now he had that smile, that wonderful, lopsided smirk.

How could she say goodbye to him, when she didn’t want to? She thought she was the realistic one, but all she wanted to do was to have so many more ‘rest of her days’ with him, not just the hours she thought she might have left. She wanted so much more with him, kissing, joking, laughing, fucking, sleeping, eating, just everything with him.

“Kitty?” he asked. “Why are you staring at my mouth?” He could see her gaze completely fixed there.

“Because...sometimes it takes my breath away, and right now I want you to take my breath away,” her voice husky as she lifted her gaze to look into his eyes. 

Cullen didn’t need to be asked twice. 

He pulled her against him and crashed his mouth onto hers, pushing at her lips, forcing his tongue into her mouth, catching the moan that escaped from hers, as she pushed back with her tongue, running it over his. He was vaguely aware of Krista putting her hands behind his back, before feeling her fingers ruffling through his hair, then pushing his head harder against her mouth. 

He moved his hand down her back, grabbing her bottom, pulling her as close to him as he could. She wrapped her legs around his thighs. Even though her training was often erratic, she was as agile as ever. Both of them were now becoming increasingly aroused. 

If he could, he would have fucked her right there, not caring who could walk in. But right now all they had was this moment, before she had to go. And it was unfair. If there was the smallest chance she came through, he swore that he would never let them waste any more time again. Every minute would count.

He felt her break away.

“Cullen...” she watched him sadly.

“I know...Kitty, I love you, always” his voice was now unsteady.

“I love you too, always. And our nuglets too,” she replied her voice wavering. 

Maker, she’d not called them that since they were babies. Pink and bare like Leliana’s nuglets she used to joke. He helped her off the table, bringing down bits of parchment. They both looked at each other, and Krista turned slightly. Cullen landed a smack onto her buttock, with the resultant ‘oww’. As she looked back, he heard...

“Later then?” she asked, her voice still faltering, her eyes moist.

“Later,” he replied equally unsteady.

Cullen watched her as she walked up the stairs, and eventually disappeared. Cole’s words came back to him, “Her song is ending too, and she feels it.” He thought he would feel pain, but right now he felt so incredibly empty, and lost.

Krista made her way back to the Eluvian, putting her gloves back on, each footstep wanted to take her back to Cullen. She wiped her eyes, took a deep breath and walked past the guards, nodding, before she went back into the room. 

“So...one last adventure then. Who’s for making this a good one?” she smiled the best she could. They already knew how bad it was. “Never let it be said a Rutherford doesn’t give her all.”

Bull spoke first “Boss, we’ve always got your back. Lead on.”

“Me literally, the mage at the back,” Dorian chimed in.

“Her arrows always have ours,” added Cole.

The four of them stepped back through the Eluvian.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista comes back alive, minus the Anchor. As she and Cullen begin to adjust, she plans to disband the Inquisition.
> 
> minor canon convergence

Cullen was waiting by the Eluvian. He’d got word they had returned, and raced off to the room, still under guard by Inquisition soldiers. It was evident from her team's confused expressions, being back in the Winter Palace wasn’t where they expected to end up. Krista had gone through the Eluvian first, and they’d been not able to follow initially. When they finally could, the Eluvian in the Elven ruins had brought them back here.

They’d been chasing the Viddasala and her forces, which in turn were chasing down Solas. That wasn’t a name he was expecting to hear again, after he vanished following their defeat of Corypheus. The only one who didn’t seem to be worried was Cole. She was safe with Solas now he said, but as usual no more than that one comment. But was she still alive, or had the Anchor claimed her? Last time he saw her, it was quite evident how bad it had become.

As Cullen rubbed his neck again, he could feel a sore patch forming. The action was now more of a nervous thing now than trying to dispel pain. Krista had had helped with the pain, like so many other things. But the habit was ingrained; worry was the trigger this time. He forced his hand down, and paced instead. That didn’t help much either. Cullen’s ability to deal with lack of control was not that good. 

A hand poked out the shimmering mirror, and then Krista came through slowly, falling to her knees as she finally stepped out completely. The Eluvian cracked behind her. As Cullen rushed forward, squatting down in front of her, he saw as she was leaning on only one hand. Where her other one should have been, there was nothing below the elbow, the leather of her armour ending in a precise, clean cut. Her hand, forearm, were gone, including the Anchor. Krista was alive, and had come back to him, that was all that mattered right now. 

She looked up at him, a weak smile breaking on her face, but her eyes were focused, locked onto his. 

“I may need some help here getting up, Rutherford,” she said quietly.

He realised she wanted to try and get up, not be picked up. Stubborn as ever, he thought, but wasn’t going to argue. Cullen moved forward offering her his shoulder, and kneeling down on one knee. 

“Lean on me” he replied, watching her sit back and use him as a support to pull herself up. He held onto her legs as she straightened up, and then stood up, still holding on before wrapping his arm around her waist.

“I need to talk to you, Josie and Leliana. But first I want a soft bed and large drink.” Her voice was stronger now, but not quite normal yet.

“What about a healer, your...” he asked, the sentence unfinished, as she cut in.

“No need, it’s fine. Well, in the sense I don’t need a healer,” she replied quickly. 

“Let’s get you to our room then.” he said, going to turn her around. She was standing, but he could feel she wasn’t that steady.

She looked at Cullen. “I am in your capable hands, Commander.”

Culled shook his head, her capacity to joke at times like this appeared undiminished. As they made their way, Cullen sensed she was struggling.

“I can carry you, you know, you don’t have to try to be brave all the time,” he offered gently. 

She paused and looked at him. “OK then.” Just like that.

“Well, that was easier than I thought it would be,” he said in disbelief. He knew how she could fight him on not appearing weak.

“Maybe I‘d like you to carry me. I do give in...sometimes,” she replied, squeezing his arm. 

Cullen bent down to allow her to put her right arm around his neck first, before lifting her into his arms. He saw how left arm went to automatically move as if she was also wrapping it around his neck, but she stopped, realising there was nothing there. For a few seconds she didn’t know where to put it, before settling it against her chest. 

They were both going to have to make adjustments, but he was sure the hardest for her would be not having use of her bow. It was practically an extension of her in battle. Maker, she was heavier with armour on. He adjusted the balance of her weight before continuing. She started stroking his neck, catching the sore spot he created when waiting for her. He flinched.

“Cullen?” she queried, now craning to see what was wrong. “Have you been...”

“Kitty, try not to move so much, I’m trying to keep your weight balanced here,” he groaned, trying to adjust it back.

“You’re been rubbing your neck again, I can see it’s all red,” she scolded.

Was she serious? Part of her arm was gone, and she was concerned about a sore spot on his neck. How she had this unerring ability to concentrate on him when something serious had happened to her, he never understood. It had been the same after Haven, and the final battle with Corypheus. He’d guessed she was distracting herself, but he’d rather she didn’t. 

“Let’s just get you to our room first, alright? Then we can worry about my neck,” he said wearily.

She stared at him before replying. “Alright.” Her head settled back down and she fell quiet.

Acquiescing twice now, this was unusual for her. No complaints, no backchat. For Kitty this was far too placid. Was the earlier joking a pretence, had this hit her harder than she was letting on? Whatever it was, he wanted to get her comfortable and settled right now.

When they got in, he gently let her down onto the bed. He was about to offer to help get off her armour, when she asked him. As he was taking off her armour, coat and boots, he felt her watching him. 

“You’ve avoiding staring at my arm, I can see,” she ventured. “It’s alright. You can ask...if you want to.”

Cullen hadn’t wanted to, principally he wasn’t sure if she wanted bring it up. He stopped and thought for a moment. “Kitty, I can guess somehow it was removed to save you, judging by the way the Anchor was going. But I didn’t know if you wanted to...” he sighed.

“Solas did it to save me. There’s much more I need to say about him and...what he’s planning, but I’d rather talk about that to all of you together. Right now I’m...” her voice was wavering and she hesitated. “I’m grateful to be alive. Regret may come later, and I don’t know what I may be like then. It’s just that...we finally reconnected, and I’m scared we may lose it again...if I...” she didn’t finish. Her hand went up to her face, as the tears came.

Cullen sat next to Krista, holding her now. “Do you really think I’d let you go now, after all this. What we don’t ever do is stop talking again. Don’t forget it took both of us to make that situation happen. When you left earlier, I made a promise to myself and I’ll make it to you now, that we don’t waste even a minute from now on. Two years ago we made a vow to each other, and we both need to work at keeping it. If that means helping you deal with the loss of your arm, then that’s what I’ll do.” He kissed her head, “Kitty, I’m afraid you’re stuck with me. Deal with it.”

She tried to laugh, but it came out more as a snort, making Cullen laugh. She wiped her face and looked at him. “I love you, you know. You make me laugh.”

“Not always intentionally either, as you’ve told me on many occasions,” he smiled. 

“But those are the funniest. You say them with such a straight face,” she added with a little soft smile. 

Krista wanted to show him her arm, and she wanted to do it now, while her courage allowed her. It felt strange to even think about, because if she closed her eyes, it was as if her arm was still there. She could still feel her fingers, and in her head she could still wiggle them. She started to tug her shirt out of her pants, and saw him wondering what she was doing.

“Cullen, I need to show you. I need you to look at my arm, before it becomes something we skirt around, like my scar was.” She deliberately didn’t ask.

“Alright...do you want some help?” he asked tentatively

“Yes, please,” she answered. “I’d like that.” Cullen helped her take off her shirt. She’d not seen it yet either, and wasn’t sure if she was more nervous for him or herself. Moving her arm upwards, Krista got a better look. Instead of bone and flesh, the skin had folded in over the stump. It looked almost healed, just some redness.

“You know, Solas was always a good healer. But I’ve never seen anything as quickly healed as this.” Cullen said looking amazed. He was now holding her arm examining it, as he would a new piece of kit. She didn’t mind one little bit and smiled. They both had to come to terms with this, and learn how to work with it. He caught her smiling at him.

“Sorry, I didn’t think, I just...” he said, looking as if he shouldn’t be doing that.

“I like ‘I just’, do it all you like.” she replied. “The fact you didn’t think, also good.” Maker, she did love him. Not everyone saw him like this, the sensitivity and almost childlike curiosity. He wasn’t one to always let his feelings show, unless he was annoyed. But he’d opened up more, and their children made a difference, he was allowed to be silly with them. 

“Kitty, you’re doing it again.” He was smiling at her now.

“What’s that, Cullen?” 

“You’re staring at me. What is it this time?” he inquired, raising an eyebrow.

There were lots of things going through her head in that moment, but one thing most of all “A kiss would be nice,” she sighed.

“Ah, I see.” With his face pressed closer now, still smiling, he kissed her. She remembered this kiss. After Haven, it meant comfort; in Honnleath it meant hope; and now it meant safety. Her fingers and toes still tickled, even the missing ones. Krista hummed against his mouth.

“Thank you,” she said as they broke away. “Could I have that drink now?”

“If we have something, let me check.” Cullen wandered off to look. “It seems we have more wine. Do they come in and replace it, this looks like a fresh bottle.” He sat down and pulled a blade from his boot and began to poke at the cork.

“Cullen, you’ll end up...” and the cork fell into the bottle with a plop. “...doing exactly that.” Krista groaned.

“What? You can still drink it,” he insisted, handing the bottle to her. “Anyway, when do you want me to fetch the others?”

“When I’ve had enough of this wine,” she replied watching Cullen’s eyes open wide now as she glugged back on the bottle. 

“Maker’s breath Kitty, go easy there.” He was about to try and grab the bottle from her, so she turned away slightly. She stopped drinking.

“Partly because I’m going to tell Josie that I plan to disband, and I don’t know how she’ll take it.” Krista fingered the bottle. “I want to do it publicly as soon as possible, hopefully in the morning, and was going to ask Leliana if she could reconvene the Council for then. How much notice do you need to get the troops ready to go back to Skyhold?”

“It depends how badly you want to travel through the night. I’d prefer not to, some of them haven’t had a full rest with everything that’s been going on. If you think the danger is over for now, I’ll reduce our presence at least.” Cullen replied.

“I think that would be sensible, given what you all need to hear. The Inquisition isn’t too popular right now either. In that case we’ll start back first thing day after tomorrow.” She paused. “Would you mind fetching Josie and Leliana now?” 

“Of course, but you might want to put your shirt back on at least. I don’t mind, but...” he joked, pointing to Krista sitting there in her breastband and pants.

“Thank you Commander,” she grinned, handed him the bottle and grabbed her shirt. It was a little tricky to begin, and Cullen watched her, but eventually she worked it out. She watched as he then left. 

Krista was apprehensive, but also had a sense of relief. Having found out about the Qunari, about Solas and his plans, and how deep the infiltration was in the Inquisition by both of them, disbanding was the only way forward. What she had told Solas was that she would prove he didn’t need to destroy this world, and that promise she intended to keep.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next morning Cullen helped Krista put on her dress uniform for the Exalted Council. There were so many sashes and pieces; she couldn’t quite manage it just yet, although he could see how she was already thinking things through before starting on a task. She was a survivor after all, and wouldn’t have come through everything without that. 

What she’d told them last night convinced even Josephine the Inquisition’s time had ended. None of them expected to hear how Solas created the Fade through. It was as if suddenly everything they knew was turned upside down, and even worse, that his plan was to tear it down again. Or should he say Fen’Harel. This morning, Cullen still felt a little unbalanced by it all.

But right now, they had more immediate things to consider, the Exalted Council.

Cullen saw Krista looking at the empty sleeve hanging down and evidently didn’t like it. She pulled a pin from her hair.

“Commander, would you mind pinning this thing up for me?” she asked holding the pin for him.

“It would be my pleasure, Inquisitor,” he replied, pinning up the sleeve.

“You know what this means, once I make this announcement. The only title I’ll have is Mrs Rutherford.” She smiled.

“And how do you feel about that?” he asked grinning back. He knew the answer the minute she smiled at him. It was the same smile he always loved, the one he’d missed.

“It’s the only one that means anything to me, so pretty shit hot,” she laughed. “Kiss me for luck.”

“Of course, Mrs Rutherford.” The kiss lasted a little longer than either of them intended, so it was a bit of a dash to the Exalted Council Meeting.

Cullen stood at the back watching as Krista marched forward. The woman that stood before the Council was now the Inquisitor. It always amazed him how she morphed into the role. Memories of her standing on the steps of the Great Hall when her parents visited, flooded back. That dress never saw the light of day afterwards. He made her keep the celebration dress though.

“You all know what this is,” the Inquisitor began. “A writ from Divine Justinia authorising the formation of the Inquisition. We pledged to close the breach, find those responsible and restore order.” She nodded at Cassandra. “We have fulfilled that pledge. And now the war is over, for most of us.”

Not for us, he thought, we have a new one just beginning. Stopping Solas.

“It is time for our soldiers to sheath their swords and go home. To all who served, thank you. It has been an honour.” Cullen saw her hand the writ to Josephine. Then came the words he was waiting for.

“Effectively immediately, the Inquisition is disbanded.” And with that Krista walked back up the aisle to gasps from the onlookers. 

Cullen walked out and waited for her. As they walked away, she whispered to him.

“I remembered something as I handed the writ to Josie. Varric only made me a fucking Comtesse. Shit, how do I get rid of that one without hurting his feelings? I don’t want another bloody title, I’ve had bellyful of them now.”

Cullen couldn’t stop laughing. Maker, he loved her.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista and Cullen are in the process of winding down the Inquisition. Cullen returns from a trip to South Reach. 
> 
> Some NSFW.

It had been just over four months since Krista had disbanded the Inquisition, and she and Cullen were in the final stages of winding it up. Practically all of their soldiers and workers had left now, each of them receiving a monetary package, enough to ensure they could make a start on a new life or simply bolster their old one. Charter and their spies were still currently in place, but that would end soon. Those of them left rattled around Skyhold now. The place that was full to bursting only a while ago seemed way far big now.

Krista had taken over Josie’s office as she left for Antiva two months ago. It saved both Cullen and her wandering up and down the stairs to their quarters, when they needed to talk. True to form, Josie had wrapped up all the diplomatic issues before she left with frightening efficiency, and there was really no need for an ambassador any more. From the letters Krista got from her, she was now turning her focus to the Montiliyet estate and their trading fleet, with the occasional favour of shipping items for Krista.

With Josie gone, Krista was now in charge of Inquisition funds, until they formally closed the doors. Any remaining monies would go to the upkeep of the ex-Templar sanctuary not far from their farm in South Reach. Leliana had negotiated with Arl Bryland a transfer of land, to Cullen, allowing it to be built. He hadn’t taken much persuading, mainly due to Inquisition support for the Wardens and Leliana’s friendship with the Hero of Ferelden. Talia Cousland had helped free his lands because of her actions during the Blight, and he had fought with Talia’s father Bryce Cousland in the war against Orlais.

Cullen now made a regular monthly trip to check on progress in South Reach. Rylen was in charge of the project, with most of their remaining workers who agreed to stay on, and those Templars who were over the worst of the withdrawal symptoms. Whenever he travelled to South Reach, he’d always visit his family. Mia joked that they didn’t see him for years, and now they couldn’t get rid of him.

He would also take supplies of a potion that Adan had developed, to help with the painful physical symptoms. It didn’t cure the craving, but it helped make those going through withdrawal more comfortable. Krista felt sad Cullen hadn’t been able to benefit from it earlier. Adan had also taken Lysette under his wing, training her up. Because she was so much younger than the other Templars, and had taken lyrium for a shorter period of time, she got through withdrawal much quicker. 

Some of the ex-Templars had already joined the Seekers, but some had simply left, choosing their own path. Some refused to give up, and Cullen wouldn’t countenance feeding an addiction, saying the programme was for those who wished to give up lyrium. They had also left. The only ones still on lyrium were those who were too far gone to be able to stop taking it, and a regular supply was allowed to keep those comfortable until the inevitable end. 

Cullen was due back sometime today, and she’d missed him. His trips were much shorter than hers had been, but she understood how he must have felt before. More time together had helped to draw them even closer, repairing a lot of the damage from the time they drifted apart. He also been right about the twins, she bonded with them more now they got used to her being around. And she shortly had an appointment with her daughter and a climbing frame.

Cara was truly cast out of the same mould as Krista, down to the climbing and the mouth. Except for the crossed arms and stern look, that was straight from Cullen. And she had Cullen’s eyes. That child would be trouble later, Krista just knew it. Cara had coped with Ama missing an arm more quickly too. Ewan was quieter, but observant. When he watched they could almost see the gears turning in his head. He wasn’t as chatty as Cara, but when he spoke, she and Cullen could see how bright he was already. She did love her nuglets.

Krista looked up as the door opened, and a small blonde tornado flew in.

“Ama, time to climb. Stop work now!” Cara squealed excitedly, grabbing Krista’s hand, trying to tug her away. 

Lysette came in behind her, laughing. What would they do without Lysette? She also stepped in to help Nana, who tired more easily now. Playing with the children was too much for her, but she still looked after them where she could. Krista had wanted her to take it much easier, but Nana was also stubborn.

“Is it really pumpkin? Are you sure?” Krista teased, watching the crossed arms and frown appearing. When she smiled, Cara smiled back and off they went.

Harrit had built a climbing frame for Cara, which sat in Skyhold’s garden. There had been a few bumps and scrapes when she fell off, but it never seemed to faze Cara, she was soon back on.

“Pumpkin, hands and feet, remember. Hold on with both,” she shouted, watching her daughter’s foot now dangling in mid air. Cara had a ways to go yet before she was fully co-ordinated, but she was determined.

“Is Ewan with Nana?” Krista asked Lysette, still keeping an eye on Cara.

“Yes, they’re in the kitchen with Cook. Ewan’s watching Cook baking again.” She replied. “You’ll never guess what they’re making? Blueberry pastries. It will make a change not to fight to get them anymore,” she laughed. 

“Of course she is. Cullen’s coming back. That’s the only reason we’re getting them.” Krista turned briefly to Lysette. “You know, maybe I should make him go away on shorter, but more frequent trips,” she joked. Cullen had managed to butter up Cook, and now she spoiled him. The man always did have charm, but hadn’t employed as often as he could have.

They both heard a thud, and Cara was on the grass. Then it came, “shit, damn.” The shit came from her, but the damn definitely came from Cullen, and she had the tone spot on. Maker, people would wonder what they were teaching their children. But it was funny how she said it, and just at the right time. She and Lysette tried not to snicker. 

“Cara, what do you need to remember?” Krista said, struggling to keep the mirth out of her voice.

“Hand and feet, Ama,” she replied in a sing song voice, now starting to climb again. 

It was always ‘hand and feet’, because Krista had shown her using just her one hand. If she chastised Cara for using the expletives, she’d do it more, so Krista ignored it.

“Good girl,” she enthused.

They heard the door to the garden open behind them. It was Cara who looked up and spotted him first. 

“Da!” she shouted, losing her balance. Down she went, up she came, and off she ran to Cullen.

She wasn’t the only excited he was back. As Krista turned to watch, he was smiling, that slightly uneven smile, looking at her, before his daughter’s tackle made him step back.

“Hello sweetheart,” he said picking her up and twirling her around. “How’s my little girl?” he smiled.

“We was climbing,” Cara giggled and put her hands out for a hug, which he dutifully gave her.

“We were climbing,” he corrected, listening as she parroted his words. “Good, much better,” he smiled. “Where’s your brother?”

“In the kitchen...with Nana,” she replied, tugging at the mane.

“Da needs to talk to Ama first, alright?” he said and Cara nodded. “Then I’ll come and find you both, I’ve bought something back from Auntie Mia.” He put her down as Lysette came forward to take her hand, and led her off to the kitchens.

Krista watched as he came over and sat on the bench next to her. It must be nearly three years they’d been together now, and he still made her heart dance.

“Hello,” came with the smile again.

“Hey you,” she smiled back, and then shuffled onto his lap, her legs dangling either side of him over the back of the bench, one arm around his neck, his hands on her hips now.

“Did you miss me?” he breathed, their noses tip to tip now.

He watched as she smiled, then kissed him. First biting his lips, and then pressing against them with her tongue. He held fast, feeling a ‘huh’, then a groan as he opened his mouth drawing his tongue over hers. It was a good few minutes before either of them could stop.

“That much?” he said, kissing her jaw, and now working his way down her neck.

“And then some,” she replied, leaning her head back slightly to allow him access, low moans coming from her.

“You need to wait just a little longer, give me about half an hour,” he was now getting unsteady just listening to her. In all their years together, the effect of her moans as she responded to him never diminished. “I’ll come to your office. I have news for you too.”

“Uh-huh, I look forward to both,” she replied, now bringing her head forward again, eyes still half closed.

Cullen lifted her up and stood her on her feet, before pulling her to him. “I love you Kitty.”

“I love you too, Rutherford.”

Cullen took her hand as they walked back into the Great Hall, Krista went to her office and he headed down to the kitchens. They’d both spend longer with the twins later, but both of them needed to deal with missing each other first.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Cullen went to Krista’s office, he could hear her cursing, somewhere underneath her desk. He locked the door and went over to see what was happening.

“What is it? Have you lost something?” he asked, now seeing her feet poking out.

“The books, the Inquisition accounts. I left them down here somewhere, but they’re gone. Josie would kill me if she knew. Shit!” 

The state of Krista’s desk, it was a wonder she didn’t lose the desk under the mountain of papers. He knew he had a tendency to pile things up, but her ability went way past that. She was so worried she’d forget something if she put it away, she kept everything there.

“The ones with the red covers?” seeing them actually on the desk, swathed in papers.

“Maker, yes! Can you see them?” her voice more relieved, less frantic now.

“Only just, they’re on your desk, Kitty.” Cullen sighed. His wife definitely wasn’t cut out to be a bureaucrat. Truth be told, neither was he, and they were the ones winding down the Inquisition.

“Oh thank the...”Cullen heard a loud thwack. “Oww, for fuck’s sake...” she cursed. 

This wasn’t the first time she whacked her head on the desk. He bent down to help her out, and that was when he saw she was wearing a dress. He tried to think back to the garden, no, she definitely wasn’t wearing one then. As far he knew she owned only one, and this wasn’t that one. As she scrambled out rubbing her forehead, he just stared. And this one was unusually cut above the knees. She saw him, and adjusted herself.

“Maker’s breath, Rutherford. Anyone would think you'd never seen a woman in a dress before,” she scoffed.

“Kitty, I’ve only seen you twice in a dress. My wife wearing a dress is...” she was standing there, hand on her hip, waiting, “...unusual to say the least,” he finished, watching her rolling her eyes now.

“Not the response I was hoping for,” she huffed.

He knew exactly what response she wanted. “I think it might be the shock, you know. I don’t know what to say,” he teased.

Her eyes narrowed, “I put this on especially for you. If you’re going to take the piss, I’ll...I’ll get changed. Maker knows it feels odd enough anyway.” Her hand was rubbing her forehead.

“You did this for me?” he asked smiling now, and wrapped his arm around her waist.

“Yes, but why I...mm” he kissed her, cutting off her words.

Then pulling away, he bent down slightly, and hoisted her over his shoulder, and marched through the door leading down to the War Room. 

“Was this the response you wanted?” he demanded, as she bounced slightly on his shoulder.

“It’ll...do,” she breathed, but he could hear the desire in her voice. He smiled. 

As they got to War Room door, she lifted her leg and kicked it open. 

“Eager are we?” he teased.

“Maker, you have no idea,” she gasped.

Cullen walked to the War Table and put her down into a sitting position on the edge of the table. He barely got to stand up, when she latched onto his coat and dragged him forward lopsidedly, his torso landing onto her before he could put his hands out to catch himself. He heard the oof as his breastplate hit her chest, but it didn’t stop her. Krista let go of his coat and grabbed his head forcing his mouth onto hers.

Eager, was an understatement, as he finally managed prop himself up on one elbow and move the other hand sliding it between her legs. She moaned into his mouth and her back arched. She was wearing nothing underneath the dress, risky it being so short. But she could be reckless. As he teased his fingers over her clit and into her, the moans got louder. 

When she was this aroused, he could barely control himself around her. As much as he wanted to take his time, if she even asked him to...

“Cullen, just fuck me, please. I’m begging you,” she pleaded.

His hand was now undoing his laces, and pulling his seriously hard cock, and before he could even think, he was inside her, prompting a scream. There was no way he could hold back now, he wanted her so badly. He felt her lift her legs, and bend them, lifting her up slightly so he could penetrate even deeper. Maker, the moans falling from her mouth, and he knew he was grunting too. He was slamming into her with each thrust, it was purely need, want and sheer lust. And he knew he wouldn’t last too long at this pace. 

“Kitty, I can’t hold out...” he panted.

He felt her move her hand down and began to stroke herself. It was barely any time when he felt her clench onto him, and scream loudly, and that was it. He felt himself coming, and his hips twitched as he emptied into her. Both of them now taking hard, long breaths. 

He bent down , kissed her, propping himself up on hands that were shaking now. His legs weren’t much better, he had to sit down. He pulled out of her, and sat down on the floor, tucking himself back in, exhausted now. Krista’s legs were hanging over the table, and he pushed one gently. It was totally floppy. He had to smile. She was in just a bad state as he was. 

“This wasn’t the plan, you do know that,” he said, still a tad breathless.

“I don’t care, I couldn’t wait. Do you know how many times I thought of you and had to...” she let out a heavy sigh.

“Had to...?” he asked knowingly

“deal with it,” she laughed, coughing slightly as she was still breathless. 

Cullen laughed. “Come and sit with me, if you can.”

He saw her shifting, so she could manoeuvre herself down. Her remaining arm was getting stronger from so much more use. He helped her down onto his lap, putting his arms around her and nestled his mouth against her ear. “You’ll have to show me later...how you deal with it,” he whispered. A grin spread across her face. 

“I’m sure that can be arranged.” she said, turning to kiss him. She then broke away. “So, you said there was news too?” she inquired.

“Ahh, indeed. The building work should be finished in a few weeks, and we can make arrangements to move everyone down to South Reach,” he said, now stroking her leg.

“What about our house? Did they manage to add the extension for Nana?” Krista asked. 

“All done,” he replied.

“Maker, they must have been working hard, that’s quicker than I thought,” she said surprised. “I’m glad though, I’m ready to leave. Sometimes I feel as if we’re squatters now.”

“We are,” he laughed. “there is one other thing, I thought you might like.” Krista looked at him quizzically.

“Rylen and Mia are sort of courting,” Cullen watched her mouth drop. “They are taking it slowly, as she only lost her husband seven months ago, and he’s at the final stage of withdrawal. You know how sensible they both are. So, he has decided to stay rather than go back to Starkhaven.”

“How do feel about it?” she asked.

“I have great respect for the man, if my sister was going to court someone, I couldn’t think of anyone more suitable.” he smiled. “It does feel strange though, I have to admit. But everything is changing now. I’m sure some people looked at us, and thought us an odd pairing.” He kissed her head.

“Cullen, we are an odd pairing. It just happens to work...mostly” she smiled and snuggled against him, laying her head onto his chest. 

He noticed something caught in her hair, and fiddled with it, until it came free. He let out a laugh.

“What?” she said now looking up. 

He moved it so she could see. It was his marker, from the War Table. Krista grabbed it laughing now too.

“Evidently I’m your mission now, Rutherford,” she insisted, putting it on her head.

Cullen ran his finger down her cheek. “You always were, Kitty,” he replied kissing her, as the marker fell into her lap.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> South Reach Pt 1
> 
> Cullen has a plan for a quiet couple of days for him and Krista after moving from Skyhold and setting up the sanctuary in South Reach. Krista has news for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was orginally going to one chapter, but grew of its accord. 
> 
> Pt 2 to come shortly

Krista sat on the edge of the bed. Damn, bloody cramps again. Just a few minutes and they’d pass. And she was two weeks late and knew, just knew she was pregnant...again. She sighed. The headaches were back and this time more tiredness. Thankfully the nausea was very slight and passed quickly. She’d had quite enough of the vomiting last time. 

She’d tell Cullen today. He’d be pleased, he wanted another child. But as much as she was happy too, she was also concerned. Solas was still out there planning to bring their world to an end. Even though they’d started their new life in South Reach, they’d not managed to tie up all the Inquisition business as well as she’d hoped. 

Bloody Vivienne, she just had to have power, had to be in charge somehow. She’d set up a new Circle rivalling the College of Enchanters. After all her work supporting the College, this grasping woman would try and tear it down. And now Krista had less influence. When she’d disbanded the Inquisition, it meant that she lost alliances which might have helped. Initially she’d been angry, but Cullen made her realise she had to leave for the two parties to deal with. She wasn’t Inquisitor anymore.

At least the Sanctuary was up and running now, that was one positive. It gave Cullen a focus, because he was certainly someone who needed a purpose, a goal to strive for. Wanting to help people still ran through his blood. He’d atoned with the Inquisition, and now he could help people again with a clearer conscience. And being close to his siblings grounded him more too. There was a closeness there, even though they had been apart from him so long. Certainly a lot different from her family, where the only people she was close to was her now deceased sister and Nana.

“Kitty, are you coming, breakfast’s ready!” Cullen shouted.

“A few minutes, I’ll be there!” she shouted back. 

These last weeks had been a maelstrom of activity, with leaving Skyhold, getting here and then trying to get organised with everything at this end. They were up early today, as Cullen was taking the nuglets to stay with Mia for a couple of days, while they took some time off. He seemed convinced she needed to rest up a little. She didn’t argue; she knew she was getting tired. And she knew why.

Krista looked her clothes hanging over the chair. And now she was wearing dresses, Maker! They were easier for her to manage, she could dress herself. She slipped on her smalls and dress, and slung a waistcoat over it to hide that she wasn’t wearing a breastband. That she couldn’t put on herself, but here at home it didn’t matter. The cramps had eased off too, and she headed for the kitchen.

As it was early, it was just the four of them this time, the twins looking the most awake and excited. They loved Auntie Mia, because Auntie Mia spoiled and fussed over them. Krista sat down and drank some tea. She couldn’t quite face the plate of food in front of her yet. 

Ewan was twirling a small wooden toy in his hand, examining it, while eating his breakfast with the other hand. It was a present from Thom Rainier; who was passing through and had come to visit. The one thing Krista had made sure was to try and keep in contact with her companions, well, all those except Vivienne. Thom was always the hardest to track though, because he spent so much time just wandering, much as he did when he was Blackwall.

Krista could see the cogs turning in Ewan’s head and then it came. “Da, what does Maker’s balls mean?”

Cullen nearly choked on his tea, spitting some out and the rest dribbling down his chin now. “Maker’s breath! Where did you hear that?” he exclaimed, wiping his face.

Krista was trying so hard not to laugh; she knew exactly where that would have come from. But the small snorts gave her away and Cullen glared at her. The glare was to say shut up. They knew if Cara heard a reaction, she’d latch onto it.

“That man who bought the toys.” Ewan replied. He was forming full sentences now.

“Well, it’s an...expression...one you shouldn’t repeat,” Cullen said hesitantly. 

That would work with Ewan, if Cullen said no, he’d accept it. But Cullen had now opened the door even more for Cara, and Krista knew what it would lead to. And just on the day they were going to Mia’s. Now Cara was glancing between her and Cullen, processing his slightly stern face, and hers, a poor effort at deadpan. Krista buried her face in her mug. The fact Cara hadn’t repeated it yet meant she was saving it up. Wonderful. 

They all finished, but Krista had yet to start eating. And now she could see Cullen look at her and then her plate. As he ushered the children off to get their toys, he came over to her.

“Not eating Kitty?” he inquired, sounding more like a statement than a question.

Yep, they needed to talk. She figured he was working it out too. “I’m just a little tired right now, I’ll have it in a bit,” she assured him. 

“Alright, I’ll be back in a hour or so.” He kissed her and stroked her face.

Children all ready, Trip in tow, and goodbyes, hugs and kisses done, she watched them set off, waving until they disappeared. Krista went back to the kitchen, looked at the plate, covered it and went back to bed. Food later, she thought, sleep now.

\-------------------------------------------------------------

It took longer than Cullen anticipated to return, having spent some time talking with Rylen, who had arrived whilst he was at Mia’s. He’d left Trip there as well. Although he knew the children were safe, it just made him feel a bit better that he was there. Cullen knew Trip would always look after them. However boisterous he could be, he was gentle with the twins.

Also, he had a plan, and wanted no distractions or interruptions this time. And that included his wife. Looking at her face, he guessed she would have gone back to bed after he left. That would give him time.

The house was quiet when he got back, unusual in itself, as they always had people traipsing in and out. But he’d left instructions for them not be disturbed, unless in an absolute emergency. Lysette was checking in on Nana, making sure she had what she needed. So finally, it would be just the two of them. 

He went to the kitchen first to leave the package there, saw the covered plate, and took a quick peek. As he thought, but he’d make sure she ate later. Heading for the bedroom, when he looked in Krista was back in bed. As he went over to check, he could hear the gentle snoring, which meant she was fast asleep. Likely she wouldn’t wake now until he woke her up. Cullen left closing the door and started preparing.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A little while later he went back to the bedroom, and sat on the bed. Krista looked so peaceful, he almost didn’t have the heart to wake her. But he had a plan. He brushed the hair off her face and kissed her cheek, before whispering in her ear, “Kitty, wake up.” Nothing. Louder now, “Kitty, wake up.” Still nothing. Maker, this woman could sleep soundly. He gave up trying to be delicate, and rubbed her arm figuring that usually worked. This time she stirred, opening her eyes.

“Hey....you’re back,” she said still sleepy, rubbing her eyes. “Did you get them settled in alright?”

“Yes, and Mia send her love, and Rylen says hello.” he replied, watching her yawning. 

“Mmm, that’s nice.” Cullen watched her, rolling forward and pushing herself up into a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

She turned slightly, and watched him for a few moments. “Rutherford, remember what I said if you put another child in me?” He saw her narrow her eyes, but he could also see the slight smile as she said it.

“If I have, are you planning to shorten the rest of my days then, Kitty?” he smirked.

Her smile became broader. “That depends.”

“On?” he queried. He had a feeling he knew where this was going now.

“How good your apology is...” she answered, still smiling

Cullen put out his hand. “I may be ahead of you on that,” he said. “Let’s see if it meets with your approval.” As she took it and got up, he slid his other arm around her waist.

“I thought you’d guessed already. Judging by your question at breakfast, or should I say statement,” she said stroking his shirt.

“Let’s just say the indicators were there, I just had to put the pieces together. Although this time, at least you’re not being sick. I know how much you disliked it before.” He watched as she made a yuk face, and laughed.

“So, Rutherford. I take it you have a plan?” she asked, looking into his eyes now, smirking. 

He took hold of her hand, leading her out of the bedroom, “I may have. You’ll have to see,” he replied.

They got to the tub he’d prepared, and he put his hands around her waist. “I thought you might like a peaceful soak, seeing as everything is rushed and you don’t have the time now.” As he bunched his hands into her nightshirt, ready to take it off, he heard...

“Not without you,” she chuckled.

“What?” he exclaimed. “This was meant for you,” he replied, now pausing. 

“Come on Cullen, it’s big enough for both of us to schooch into. I’d enjoy your...company.” she answered saucily, emphasising that last word. “You can take off my shirt now.”

As he did, Krista turned to face him, smiling and gazing up at him. Cullen began to undress, he couldn’t refuse her when she looked at him like that, and she knew it. There was something about her when she was pregnant, he didn’t know what it was. He loved, and cared for her irrespective of whether she was or not, but he knew last time, he just found her more irresistible. And she smelt different.

He climbed in first and then helped her settle herself, her back learning on his torso. They weren’t exactly spread out, but they weren’t squashed up either. She’d been right.

“So tell me, have I tampered with your plan then?” she asked stroking his leg, now slightly bent resting against the side of the tub.

“Kitty, when have you ever not tampered with my plans? Maker, one day you will do what I ask...” he said firmly.

She laughed. “Don’t hold your breath!”

“You forget,” he whispered, bringing his mouth to her ear, “I know your weak points. Control remember.” He smiled as he heard her sigh, and ran his tongue over her neck just below her ear lobe, setting off a moan. 

“Underhand, Rutherford,” she gasped. 

“Always, Kitty,” he teased. “And I haven’t even begun yet.”

“Sweet Maker! I think I’m beginning to forgive you, but I may need more persuasion,” she breathed with a slight shudder. 

As Cullen traced kisses down her neck, he felt Krista arch ever so slightly and moan gently. He was hard already and guessed she could feel him against her back, but intended to take his time with her. They didn’t get a lot of time alone together, except when they went to bed at night, and often they were too tired to take things slowly. It wasn’t any less, but he missed the times they could. And right now, they needed to take this elsewhere.

“We need more space Kitty, come on I’ll help you up.” he said, putting his arms on her waist, and lifting her up.

“Ok.” Her voice was unsteady and so was she. He thought for a moment she was going to tip over, but steadied herself and got out. 

He followed, wrapping a towel around her, and then himself. She was smiling again now, and Maker that smile went through him, every time. He so loved her, this woman who had made him laugh, and realise life was much than just existing.

Krista saw Cullen smile back at her, that beautiful lopsided, uneven smirk. It demolished her every time, from the first time she saw it. Looking at him, this man who had saved her and allowed her to trust again, she loved him so much. She leant against him and looked up.

“I love you, you know,” her voice emotional from all she was feeling in that moment. “Thank you, Cullen.” She saw he understood what she meant.

“I love you too,” he replied watching her. “Thank you, Kitty. Now let’s go, shall we.”

“Sure,” she said softly.

They made their way back to their bedroom.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Krista sidetracks Cullen's plan some more, but then he gets back on track. He has one final surprise, and gets a surprise in return.
> 
> NSFW

Krista sat on the edge of the bed. She could guess what Cullen’s plan involved next, but she’d decided on her own plan. Feeling him pressing into her back when in the tub, she just couldn’t resist throwing him off kilter, tampering with his plan again. As he stood in front of her, she looked up at him, biting her lip, and began to slide her hand up the inside of his thigh. His eyes opened as she reached under the towel, and firmly took hold of his cock. She smiled.

“Maker’s breath!” his voice unsteady as she started to stroke him. “This wasn’t...part of the plan,” he stuttered.

“Cullen, as someone who has commanded an army, don’t tell me you can’t adapt your plan to a changing situation,” she responded. His eyes were closed now, and she could see him rocking slightly.

“I wasn’t....uh...expecting...a surprise...uh...manoeuvre.” He barely managed to finish his sentence.

“Uh-huh, do you need to sit down?” she asked watching him nodding. She let go and hooked her fingers into the towel, tugging it off him. “Ok, sit down,” she instructed, and watched him sit, his eyes now open and slightly glazed.

Pulling off her own towel, Krista positioned herself, kneeling between his legs. He was watching her, as she leant forward and took his cock into her mouth, wrapping her hand around the base. As she began drawing back her mouth and then forward, the groans began. 

He was already quite aroused, but she wanted to make this slow, so she knew she have stop and squeeze to prevent him from coming when he was close. As she flicked her tongue over and around the tip, he dropped back onto the bed. She sat up slightly to compensate. Now drawing her tongue up and down the shaft, before taking him into her mouth again, she felt a slight twitch, so stopped and squeezed. Then started again when the twitch subsided.

Listening to him groaning was also getting her even more aroused, and she almost started moving her mouth too fast, spurred on by the noises from him. Maker, she was sure he’d never been as vocal as this early on between them. It was distracting to say the least. She could understand what he meant when he said he loved hearing her moan. Right now, the heat pooling inside her was in danger of breaking her concentration. 

As she continued, the gaps between the pauses were becoming shorter, and she waited for him to say enough. He was shuddering now, and gasping. She couldn’t hear his heartbeat in this position, but she guessed it was probably thundering now. Maker, she loved seeing him like this, just out of control. There was just so much passion inside the man, once you broke through the outer shell. Then she heard...

“Kitty,” he said, leaning forward enough to put his hand on her head. 

That was the signal. She pressed her mouth onto him harder and moved up and down faster, dragging her teeth slightly against his cock. It wasn’t long before he came, practically exploding into her mouth. The grunt that came, almost a growl. She waited until she could feel the twitches had stopped, and pulled away, swallowing. She smiled.

Pushing herself up back onto her feet, she climbed onto the bed and shuffled over to him. His face, neck and upper chest were still flushed, and his eyes closed. Krista bent down and kissed him. He lifted his arm, put it around her, and pulled her to him. 

“Rutherford, you should remember the saying next time, plans are...” she began.

“...nothing, planning is everything,” he finished. “Yes, I should have. Sweet Maker, I need to rest. You have a wicked mouth, woman.” His voice still breathless.

“Not as wicked as your tongue, Rutherford,” she answered, running her fingers down his chest and stomach. “I assume your planning involved that countermeasure.”

“That was in the plan, Kitty,” he laughed.

Krista snickered. “Maker, you and your plans.”

She lay down next to him, and heard his heartbeat beginning to slow down. For a man almost in his mid thirties, he was incredibly fit, mainly because he still trained, albeit not as often now. 

“Kitty, are you happy? I mean, expecting another child...” he asked.

“Cullen, of course. I may change my mind when I go into labour again. But right now, yes,” she paused. “But I sometimes wish we didn’t know what we do, about what might happen. Ignorance can be bliss occasionally.” Krista sighed.

“I know, it’s something I have thought about too. There’s only five of us left to take this thing on. We will have to find a way of quietly recruiting, finding people we can trust. It can’t be big, else we’ll end up like the Inquisition.” His voice was steady now, and thoughtful.

“It was so much simpler in the beginning, wasn’t it? I don’t mean easy, but having a singular focus,” she replied. “I missed that later on. After Corypheus, we really should have disbanded then.”

“Perhaps, but it’s over now. We need to leave that behind us. We have other things to think about.” Cullen turned and looked at her. “I did have a thought. Hear me out, before you say anything. I know you been working more with throwing knives, but there’s only so many you can carry, and you will run out. I’d like to train you to use a sword. That way I know you can defend yourself better in a melee situation. I know you can stealth, but that also only gets you so far. What do you say?”

Cullen could see her mulling it over. He was asking her to change her focus, and cover two disciplines, but if anyone could do it was Krista. 

“Alright, I’ll give it a go. My arm is stronger now and perhaps I could handle a sword better than before. But...it would need to be lighter than yours,” she replied. “And no barking orders at me, I’m not a raw recruit remember,” she insisted, prodding him with her finger.

Cullen rolled his eyes. “Yes, fine, I promise. Maybe we can try with practice swords before the children come back,” he said. “If I have any energy left,” he added, watching her smile.

“You’d better have, Rutherford. There’s no way you’re leaving me on simmer here,” she winked, kissing his chest.

“Really? Well, you’d better move up the bed and give me some space to work here,” he teased watching her eyes open and her smile broaden. 

“So commanding,” she sighed heavily, but with a tinge of humour, shuffling backwards to the top of their bed.

“You have no idea,” he insisted, following her, and then propping himself up as he pressed his face to her neck, breathing on it as he kissed her. 

Her head tilted back slightly, a sigh escaping and he smiled. He knew what effect this had on her. 

“Show me...” her voice almost a whisper, as he kissed his way down to her breasts.

He paused just below her scar, and couldn’t resist sucking and biting her skin to leave a mark. He could feel her pushing up against his mouth as he did it, gasping. As with the bottom smacking, she enjoyed some pain, just enough to arouse her, but only if she knew she was safe. The fact she trusted him enough to allow him to try things meant a lot, especially after everything she’d been through. 

He then drew his tongue around her nipple. When he laid his mouth on her breast and began to suck gently at first and then harder, the moans began to pour from her mouth. He worked his way to her other breast and then felt her hand on his head, pulling slightly at his hair, as she gripped it.

He moved his hand between her legs, and realised, even before he slid his fingers into her, how wet she was. Maker, he had no idea she’d got so turned on from working on him. He heard the loud groan as he moved his way down, kissing and licking her skin, and paused, drawing his tongue across her belly. He wasn’t sure if he heard a laugh then, but carried on. Now settling himself between her legs, he parted her lips, and rasped his tongue over her clit. She nearly arched off the bed, and Maker, the noises she was making. 

He moved his tongue over her again, at first circling and then up and back down, over and over again. He could now see her twitching and shuddering and guessed she was getting closer, he knew how she could lose control when he did this to her, and he loved it when she did. He pushed his fingers inside her again and concentrated efforts with his tongue now pressing harder as he licked her. Her hips now were fully arched off the bed, pushing back on him. As he started to move his fingers in and out of her whilst keeping the pace up with his tongue, she let out a scream and gripped his fingers still inside, hard. 

Her body shook, falling back onto the bed and she moaned again as he felt the spasms inside her. He withdrew his fingers and moved back. 

Seeing, hearing, feeling and tasting her, he was fully hard again. Maker, he was going to have her, and now. As he went to move she opened her legs wider, and looked up at him. He smiled and put his hand out. She smiled back and threw him a pillow, and he folded it, placing it under her bottom, lifting her higher. 

Her voice was still slightly breathless. “So, Rutherford...what’s the...next stage of your plan.”

He shifted forward pressing himself between her legs, and looked down straight into her eyes. “I had intended to allow you to rest. But now I’m going to fuck you.” 

“Maker, I love your dirty mouth. I want you to fuck me, I...Oh...” Krista felt him slowly slide into her, setting off all the heat and tension again; and then he stopped. “Cullen?”

“Tell me again”, his breath on her now. 

“I want you to fuck me...” more desperate now, she felt him move out and thrust in gain. And stop. “Cullen, please don’t stop..." she begged.

He licked along her jaw, and pushed into again. She moaned loudly, and this time he didn’t stop, his movements now slow and deliberate, and controlled, so controlled. She waited for him to go faster, but he stubbornly kept the pace, and the anticipation of when he might was beginning to overtake her. It became a sweet, slow pain that burned inside her, tightly coiled, wanting, needing to burst open and break free. She was barely coherent, her head swimming, craving for more, but wanting release at the same time.

And then he withdrew. She was momentarily confused, until she heard...

“Turn over,” he ordered.

Even in her disordered state, she understood and clumsily shifted onto her front, her hips perched on the pillow, her bottom now accessible. The first smack came, and sting it produced flowed into the tension already swirling inside her. Maker, she was so close, so tantalisingly close...

“More?” he barked the question. 

“Ple...ase...” came out barely coherent, her voice broken.

Another smack, another sting. “Cul...len...” and with that he thrust back into her, she screamed. Maker, this was...he was...

This time he took her harder and faster and she was pushing back onto him, until...she crashed through, the tension exploding, her head dizzy, every fibre in her body flooded with release and exhaustion. The loud grunt from him as she came, tightening hard onto him, and the feel of his hips grinding against her, she knew he’d come now too.

Her torso fell forward onto the bed, her elbow giving way now. He slumped forward, his hands now either side of her as his chest rested against her back, as spent as she was right then. Both of them drawing in deep breaths, trying to recover before moving. As he eventually withdrew and lay down, it left her a little empty. The feeling when he was in her, when they were together like that, was beyond just passion, it was beyond love, they belonged to each other, were part of each other.

She was tired, but still wanted to be touching him, so threw the pillow out of the way and snuggled up to him, draping her arm across his stomach. She couldn’t help but tease him.

“So, sword practice next?” she sniggered.

“You are joking I hope,” he answered, looking at her smiling face. “Later maybe. Anyway, I haven’t completed the plan yet,” he smirked.

“How much more of this is there?” she asked. He saw the surprise in her face. 

“Kitty, you should know by now when I commit to doing something, there are no half measures,” he replied, putting his arm around her and stroking her back. He saw her swallow and her eyes glinting. “What’s wrong?” he asked, a little concerned. 

“Nothing, I’m...just a little emotional. I’m just so glad we found each other again,” she said, her voice wavering.

“We didn’t really lose each other, we just got...distracted by other things,” he looked at her. “Come here, Kitty,” he added. She pushed herself up, now leaning over him. He threaded his fingers into her hair and drew her to him, kissing her softly. He felt her smile against his mouth, as a warm tear hit his cheek.

Krista pulled away, wiping her face, but still smiling. “You really do give it your all, Rutherford,” she said, now resting her chin on his chest.

“As do you, Kitty,” he replied, smiling back. 

They lay there together just recovering, holding each other. 

Cullen turned to Krista. “Right, time for the next stage. Come on, time to get dressed,” he insisted, now getting up and taking her by the hand, helping her up. They both got dressed and Cullen led her to the kitchen, stopping on the door.

“Close your eyes,” he said and led her in, helping down onto a chair. He put the package he bought with him, in front of her. He could see her cocking her head trying to listen to what was happening.

“Cullen, what are you up to?” she enquired impatiently.

“You can open them now, and this is for you,” he replied smiling, and watched she looked at him and then the box in front of her. 

As she opened up the box her face lit up. “OHHH...tiny cakes, you bought me tiny cakes, thank you” she squealed, diving in and grabbing one. 

The moan when she popped one into her mouth, eating it, was not dissimilar to the ones he’d just been hearing. He never saw the point of them, but her reaction prompted him to try one. They were actually pretty good, he thought.

“So, Kitty. Does my apology meet with your approval?” he asked, smirking at her.

“Cullen, if this is your apology, you can absolutely put another child in me after this one!” she enthused.

“Kitty, I look forward to the process of doing just that,” he said, kissing her. “But there is just one more thing I’d like to ask,” he added.

“And that is?” she replied, pausing mid bite.

Cullen went into the other room and bought back the chess set. “Will you finally agree to let me teach you to play chess?” He watched for the usual reaction, thinking he would get yet another refusal.

Krista was looking at him, looking at the chess set, and eating the rest of the cake in her hand. “OK then.” she answered.

Cullen looked at her; he hadn’t expected it to this easy. He started setting up the board, but couldn’t stop wondering why now. He had to ask.

“You said no all this time, why yes now?” he questioned, puzzled.

“You never bribed me with tiny cakes before,” she laughed.

He shook his head in disbelief, smiling now and carried on setting up the board. Cullen then began to teach Krista how to play chess.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue
> 
> Krista is shortly due, but unexpectedly goes into labour when her helpers are away. Cullen steps in as nervous midwife.  
> Some descriptions of childbirth.

Krista decided to try walking to see if it helped, sometimes it did. Sitting was uncomfortable, lying down was uncomfortable, right now every fucking thing was uncomfortable and she was one grouchy, very pregnant woman. Cullen was inside with the twins, and Lysette and Nana had gone to the Sanctuary. 

Nana had started visiting, helping with some of the Templars coming to the end of their time. She would read to them and it seemed to help calm them. Krista had seen how bad the end could be for those taken by the addiction, and how dependant and childlike it made men and women, who couldn’t be described as old. It made her so glad Cullen had stopped taking lyrium and stayed stopped. It would have broken her heart to see him like that.

Krista felt huge, felt like her belly had just expanded exponentially. Of course Cullen loved it, she joked he was stroking her belly so much he’d put a groove it. At least he was good at massaging her back. She’d taught him first time around thankfully. Before the Conclave, she would never imagined her life would turn out like this, and right now she couldn’t.....

She suddenly felt water trickling down her legs. For fuck’s sake...no, not now, there was no Nana or Lysette and her waters had broken. Breathe, Krista, breathe, you can do this. She needed to get Cullen, but Maker, he was going to panic, and she knew it. There was no two ways about it; he may need to be midwife, at least for a while. Krista made her way back into the kitchen.

“Cullen!” she shouted. “I need to borrow you.”

“Give me a moment and I’ll be with you.” he replied, obviously tied up with the twins.

“Rutherford, it’s a little more urgent than that,” she emphasised. Silence, and then she heard him coming.

“Kitty?” he asked now watching her face, slightly puckered from the contractions now starting. This was all happening a little quicker than she hoped. Second babies could come quicker, but this one felt in a real hurry.

“My waters broke and the contractions have started. Just stand in front of me a moment, I need to check one more thing and I don’t want the twins running in and seeing me while I do this.” Cullen dutifully stood in front of her while Krista checked her smalls and looked, yep it was there. Oh Maker.

She turned Cullen to face her. “I need you to listen carefully. I need your help now, you have to be midwife here,” she said watching his eyes widen and his mouth drop open.

“Kitty, I have no idea what to do here. I wasn’t there when the twins were born remember? I don’t want to make a mistake,” the alarm in his voice evident.

Krista reawoke her Inquisitor’s voice “Cullen Rutherford, you know how to take orders, yes. Well, just do what I tell you when I tell you. Trust me; I think I know what I’m doing here. But I can’t do it with one hand, I need your help. I need to lean on you, ok?” 

She watched him nodding. “And forgive me beforehand, but I am probably going to a real shit when it gets worse,” she laughed and saw him smile. “I love you, never forget.”

“I love you too, Kitty. So, orders?” he replied, folding back into Commander mode.

“We have to keep the twins occupied and out of the way, if you put Trip with and tell him to look after them, he’ll keep them safe. And you need to tell them something, because they’ll worry if they hear me screaming. I’ll get the things together, they’re ready anyway. I just need you to get the birthing chair and bring it to our bedroom. All clear?” she ordered.

“Of course Inquis...sorry Kitty,” he answered laughing at his own slip.

“Old habits eh?” she teased.

Krista headed off for their bedroom. She could feel the contractions, not too frequent right now and more like cramps indicating she had some time get things together. The pain wasn’t quite as bad this time, but then she was probably stretched from before. But the pain in her lower back wasn’t pleasant, the baby was probably settling down into her.

Having got what she needed, she waited for Cullen. Luckily they’d kept everything from before, even though she’d sworn off having any more children then. Maker, she hoped this one was going to be easier; the last labour had been awful. Cullen had heard the screaming even in his office. 

Shit...she forgot to ask him to get boiled water. Another job. Cullen finally arrived with the chair and she had to send the poor man off again. Giving him orders seemed to be working though, thank the Maker. It gave her time to settle herself and put everything out. And now it was just a question of waiting. He arrived back, and she asked him to put in the clamps and scissors, and saw how he stared at them. They did look pretty scary, and she may have to ask him to use them. 

“Cullen?” she called to distract him. “Please can you massage my lower back, it helps.” Bless him, he started and although it didn’t get rid of the pain fully, it was soothing.

“So Kitty, have you thought of any more colourful ways to threaten to kill me with this time?” his voice teasing.

“I’ll let you know later, Rutherford. Right now, with what you’re doing, I’ll forgive you anything.” she replied. “Tell me a story or something, I like hearing your voice.”

Kitty listened as Cullen told her stories of when he was young, before he joined the Templars. She guessed reconnecting with his siblings bought it all back to him. He was certainly more centred being near them again. Krista could now feel the contractions getting longer, more painful and the gaps getting smaller, and sometimes two together. Maker this child was wanting to get out. It could only been an hour, an hour and half maybe, since her waters broke.

The pain was getting worse now; she could feel the baby pushing down. “Shit and fuck,” she screamed “This child wants get out faster than you want to get in me!”

“Cullen, you need to come and sit in front of me now!” Her voice loud. 

“Alright, what now?” he answered, kneeling and looking up at her, as she was trying to breathe, but fuck it was hard.

“Maker, it’s on its way, look to see if the baby is crowning yet.” Krista saw the puzzlement in his face. “You need to get below and see if you can see the head,” she ordered. Maker she was practically yelling now. 

“Yes, I can see it,” his voice unsteady.

“For fuck’s sake Rutherford I need you to keep it together! Stop panicking! Maker’s fucking breath!” Krista was pissed off. She had to tell him what to do, and concentrate on remembering when she should and shouldn’t push. Why did she even think this was sensible? She wasn’t even aware she growling at him now.

“Kitty, orders?” his voice louder, but steady now.

“I’m going to push, and you need to be ready to catch. And for fuck’s sake don’t drop it!” Krista was not very diplomatic, full of pain, in labour, and she knew. But he had fair warning.

“Ready,” he replied firmly.

And there she was, starting to push out their third child, with her husband beneath her ready to catch. If Krista had the sense to think about in that moment, she would have realised there weren’t many men who would have done this. But clear thought was not top of her list; her focus was getting this child birthed.

She paused and pushed, and paused and pushed, screeching now, expletives falling from her lips as fast as the moans that accompanied the act of putting a child there in the first place. She looked down at Cullen. 

“And? What’s happening?” she yelled.

“Part way now,” his voice holding steady.

“Thank the fucking Maker!” she pushed and then heard...

“Maker’s breath!” he exclaimed, “Push again, he’s nearly out!” he shouted.

Krista gave one last push, and knew he was out now. She breathed a huge sigh of relief.

“Kitty, what now?” Cullen asked; as she looked down to see him holding the baby. She smiled for the first time.

“Give him to me, lay him on my belly and get a towel, no two towels,” her order gentler now. Cullen bought them and held him as she rubbed the baby to dry him a bit. He was on her belly with a towel over him to keep him warm.

“Can you check his mouth, and clean it gently if he needs, I can’t...” she hesitated, I only have one hand she wanted to say, but Cullen was already there, checking for her. “Now you need to get the clamps and clamp the cord in two places.” Krista told him where, and where to cut in between them.

He looked so nervous now; she could see he was worried. “Trust me its fine, you can do it.” She saw Cullen relax, her voice was quieter now. He did it. And right then, calmer as she was, she was so incredibly proud of him.

“Cullen, there is one last thing, and you’re really not going to like this,” she paused, getting ready to give one last push. “This is the messy part, there’s going to an afterbirth, and I’m going to need you to take it away.” She could see the uncertainly in his eyes now. She was embarrassed for him and her too. 

Krista pushed, and it all came away, landing on another towel. She saw Cullen just fold over the towel and take it away. Maker he was way braver than she thought he would be. He then came back, and smiled, and Krista smiled back. She motioned for his hand, to put on their son.

“So, Cullen Stanton Rutherford, father for the third time, how do you feel delivering your own son?” she asked, with a laugh. 

“I’m...it’s...overwhelming...I love you Kitty,” he kissed her.

“Thank you Cullen. I do love you too,” she paused watching him. “So, can I count on your help for the next one? You seem to follow orders well. And you’re so keen to put a child into me.” She saw him rub his neck, but he was smiling.

“Only if you promise to give orders again. I wouldn’t remember what to do to be honest,” he admitted, looking for her response. Krista laughed, and watched him grin.

“Alright Rutherford, we need to some warm water to wash him, and if you could put some pillows on the bed, we’ll set up, and then we can call in the nuglets.

“It would be my pleasure, Kitty,” he replied and went off.

The new Rutherford now washed, and having taken a small feed, was then ready to meet his siblings.

Cullen fetched Cara and Ewan and brought them in, then sat on the bed. Krista could see they were curious, but nervous too. She and Cullen had told them about the baby, but seeing something so small could be overwhelming. Of course, Cara was first to come and look. She peered at him; then Ewan came forward to see.

Ewan was actually the first to speak. “Da, what’s he called?” he asked. Krista looked at Cullen, who replied, “Dorian.” He’d agreed this time to call him that, if he was a boy.

Cara was still staring at Dorian. 

Krista cocked her head. “Nothing to say, pumpkin?”

Cara looked up and grinned. “Maker’s fucking breath!” she announced.

Cullen just groaned, while Krista tried unsuccessfully not to laugh. The twins climbed up onto the bed, all five Rutherfords together now.

**Author's Note:**

> I downplayed the reaction to the loss of her arm, as Krista is a survivor by nature, and has come through so much previous even to being Inquisitor. The fact she came out alive, and having Cullen and her family would be her positives.
> 
> I feel I now may have exhausted the Cullen & Krista pairing. I liked them and hope you may have too.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the encouragement on this story, it's really good to hear. :))
> 
>  
> 
> Comments or thoughts always most welcome. It helps enormously to get feedback.
> 
> Thanks! :)


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